My sisters lying is dangerous....and nobody cares.

[BellaRose44]

My sister is 24. As a child she was a very dramatic person, loved being centre of attention and the conversation and I never minded as I was always a quiet child (I'm older, I'm 28). I've changed a few details so it's not totally indentifiable.

But as she got older this turned to lying. She lies about everything, even small things- and my parents always have made excuses that she would grow out of it.

She would lie a lot as child. She would tell her school friends she has 3 brothers (she doesnt, just me her sister). She told them we had a dog, we didn't. She told them she had been on holiday to certain places when she hadn't. It was pretty harmless in the grand scheme of things at that time- but did cost her a few friends.

But now she is 24, and is still lying constantly. Told work friends that she was going to America on holiday but actually was coming with us to spain. We weren't allowed to post any photos encase they found out. When she found out her boyfriend might break up with her, she told him she was pregnant- and then told him she miscarried and emotionally convinced him to stay. She admitted to me it wasn't true.

Every time she gets found out or one of her lies get unravelled, she'll leave her job, or relationship or ditch the friend that found out and then as her family we have to pick up her mental health for months on end. She just told another lie in her job that she can't work an upcoming saturday due to a family wedding- there is no wedding and now for months she'll be scared of getting found out rather than just saying she can't work.

She also constantly threats suicide- and if someone finds out she's lied, or threatens to cut her off- she will immediately threaten suicide. She's offered counselling each time but never sees it through. I'm just exhausted from it. Not only can I never believe a word she says, but nobody seems to pull her up on it. My parents have a sort of 'what can you do' attitude and she goes through friends so quickly none of them do. I've even asked her before why she lies so much and she'll say ''I don't know why I do it''.

The worse thing is- is there's zero reason for her to be like this. She is a lovely girl (really), she's successful and got a great career in advertising, on great money and owns her own home. There's no reason for her to pretend or lie. Gah! I'm just at my wits end I guess and wondered if anyone has any advice.

I wasn't a danger to the public but after repeated suicide attempts and depression, I was sectioned.

She sounds to have some kind of mental issue or personality disorder. Try to distance yourself from her and her relationships because it's going to suck you in and harm you

Agreed she sounds like she has a personality disorder which is often developed as a response to trauma.

I wouldn't cut her out of your life, she's your sister and that is a absolute last resort in my opinion.
I wouldn't enable her lies though, she can lie if she wants, but I wouldn't be covering her back - she needs to know this.

She sounds like my cousin.

Literally never had a hand raised to her, or any reason to suspect abuse related trauma. Always had a very sheltered and safe environment to thrive in.

Yet still compulsively lies. Lies about money, about holidays, about people and their relationships to her.

Every job she's had, she's had drama about it. Always coming in saying he said she said so now she's being investigated and she might lose her job. I've never known any one like it. I always say wow you must have terrible luck with employers because they all seem to be corrupt, but she never cotton's on to the absolute disbelief.

Whenever there's a paid for service, something goes wrong and it's never her fault. Car insurance - insurance company fucked up and she's been charged more than she was quoted. Storage unit - never asked for the payment even though the direct debit was set up. Internet provider (who I actually worked for) - charging her twice a month for 2 years, which was categorically impossible because that's not how our billing system worked. So she always had no money and always had a reason why she needed to borrow some.

Other family members just indulge her because when you do call her out for it, doors get slammed off their hinges, she storms off, calls whoever she can to spin a sob story and put them against you, and she always tells them something completely different to what you've been told.

She made up that she had OCD and couldn't say the number 13, but she's quite happy saying she needs £13. She's even said that because she can't say 13, it's caused problems in her customer facing jobs because she has to say one-three, but if she wants someone to pay for something for her and it's £12.99 she'll happily say £13, and has handed me back £13+ of change before out of a £20 note and has told me how much is left.

It's causing us absolutely large levels of stress and frustration and unfortunately it's not possible for us to just cut her out of our lives without missing out on seeing other people we love dearly so we just have to endure. But it's so so dangerous, she just gets away with it or threatens suicide.

Sorry for hijacking your post OP, but hope this shows you're not alone.

Wow. That's a whole new level of manipulation, especially if she actually does something and not just threaten. Honestly, I'd just go LC, as close to NC as possible.

Oh dear this is absolutely dreadful behaviour. No wonder you are at your wits end OP.

I suggest you do just as @crushaprune suggests.
When you are met with her inevitable "I will suicide" manipulation - stay calm & tell her "& I am calling the police to do a welfare check on you - because you are either exaggerating again, or you are in serious need of help."

You are not her therapist, & iff she wants to get better, she needs to engage with therapy. I imagine that what's been happening is that she gets herself into yet another bad situation with her lies, fakes/talks about suicide, your parents step in & pay for therapy - but you sister places no value on the therapy, & discontinues - yes?

Until she is prepared to be open with a therapist - it's likely that she bullshits & lies to any therapist as well - there is no help for her. You cannot keep putting yourself in the firing line. Neither can your poor parents, who must be frantic when the denial wears off in the teeth of yet another episode. Can you persuade them to act as Crushaprube suggests, & refuse to be manipulated by her suicide threats?

She’s in a cycle of lies/manipulation/fake suicide attempt. If you don’t stop reacting to her antics, she won’t stop because it’s getting her the attention she craves.

This is really, really hard. It’s never going to stop if she doenst admit she needs help.
You say she is lovely - can you sit and have a chat with her but coming from a more concerned point of view? Say you’re worried about how she can’t stop lying and you’ll support her with getting help (as in be there for her). It might just start the ball rolling.

I think it’s fair to start being really clear and consistent that you won’t lie for her and you will stay factual.

I think this is good advice