Don’t know what I’m doing anymore: so depressed

[Inamess2022]

Hi, I started a thread a couple of months ago about my emotionally abusive ex leaving suddenly in august in a fairly bombastic way..since then I have been really struggling with many doubts, did I do the right thing, is this “new life” any better for my son and I. I have even met with my ex a couple of times because I suppose I am feeling lonely, I am struggling to adjust and I know there is no future in it. I’m currently signed off work, taking 100mg sertraline..it’s all a big mess 😞 I just don’t know whether I did the right thing by ending the relationship, it felt like the right thing at the time and now I feel so alone and sad. I have friends and family but it’s not the same as having a partner 😞

But you wrote that he left you.
You need to cut the cord and not see him, he’s possibly still being abusive by holding onto you.

I’m 42 and I feel like such a fuck up to put it bluntly and for the last 23 years I have been in two relationships (one long term with my sons dad and then this one for six years). It’s like I don’t know how to “be” anymore, I didn’t end my relationship to go back out there and date, I didn’t do it for those reasons at all it had just got so volatile and horrible at times 😞but now I find myself missing all the nice parts and it’s a real struggle. Feeling so bloody weak I need to go back to work and I just haven’t felt able. And it’s so hard when you just seemingly feel like most people around you have got it “right”

I asked him to leave, it’s my rental property, the relationship had become emotionally volatile and it was complicated in terms of a blended family situation as well that I felt was overshadowing my son and I and to some level our relationship 😞 He has three kids of his own.

Move forward, don’t look back.

You have to keep moving forward and don’t look back as a previous post has said. Don’t see or speak to him anymore there is no need to.

Surely being alone is better than being someone who is abusive? If you don’t cut ties from him you will never be free then to meet somebody else in the future.

i know it’s hard being on your own - I had to start again after getting divorced in my 30s (and now planning it again at 50) & never having lived on my own but it was the making of me and I was really happy living on my own. Could do what I liked when I liked. I look forward to being there again.

you can do this you are free finally!

I hear you! Over a year since I finished my awful marriage, and he still finds ways to make my life miserable... But, it gets less over time. And frankly, I'd rather be miserable without him than miserable with him! Hang on in there x

It’s just hard, I have a gorgeous seven year old son that keeps me busy. I do have good friends etc but often they are busy with their own lives and families. But I also have this stupid overwhelming feeling of I’ve got so much wrong and it won’t leave, I am having counselling as well to try and help deal with things. Feel also like such a failure for not going back to work yet when it’s “just” a break up not something severe like a bereavement it’s just emotionally and mentally floored me😞😞

Yup, it's exhausting. I wish I knew the answers. But one foot in front of the other, one day at a time. You'll get there x

It is exhausting, I’m just existing at the moment and not really “living” I feel like one foot is in the past and one in the future and I have no idea at 42 what that future holds. The idea of going through more upheaval again and the rigmarole of meeting someone else is just too much to cope with..I feel so bloody sad

And also just to add so bloody weak that I still feel this link to him. That I still care and I really shouldn’t. I chose this “new life” because I thought it would be better and it just doesn’t feel like it, it feels like I’m just trudging along with small moments of joy for my son…but being signed off work perhaps isn’t right for me anymore I go back in a few weeks on a phased return and possibly that’s for the best so I’m not just moping around the house. It’s like I don’t know how to be me anymore if that makes any sense 😞😞and I’ve attached all self worth to being in a relationship and am comparing myself to everyone around me. It’s so bloody hard

You need to give yourself time to establish yourself as a new, independent ‘you’. It doesn’t happen immediately. Can you think of an activity you could do while off work that you couldn’t/didn’t do before? Distraction and gradually building a new life.

I am going through the same thing OP. I feel your pain. I told him to leave 2 weeks ago. It was very dramatic. We had a rough couple years. Almost breaking up every few months. We patched it up barely the last time. I more or less shut my mouth but I knew deep down the unresolved issues would surface again and boy did they .I moved a couple hours away from all my friends and family. I am now completely alone. The market is too shitty to sell right now. I am hoping I made the right decision. I go to work but then home to a empty house. I so understand what you are feeling. My anxiety is just awful. I lost my husband 9 years ago so I know I can get through this. I just didn't think I would be alone again at 54. It's one moment at a time. We just have to trust the otherside will be worth it....

It’s really really hard. Thank you for all your messages. I just feel so up and down. Cried on a friends shoulder this afternoon before school run. So silly 😞