Page 2 | To expect boyfriend to ask if i needed anything while I'm ill?

AreWeThereYet69 · 2022-10-04T15:15:14+00:00

We're together 9 months. He lives about 20 minutes away. Was on to him last night and told him I was feeling pretty unwell. I'm a single mom and one child is also sick. The other is too young to shop. He's off today with nothing much on but haven't heard a thing from him. I expect I'll get a 'how are you' this eve. In the reverse (he lives alone) I'd definitely ask if he needed any groceries or meds Feeling pretty low and a bit of a display of care would have been nice

stickynoter · 04/10/2022 19:31

AreWeThereYet69 · 04/10/2022 19:22

He's responded to say, sorry was going to text. Asked what my symptoms are and how my daughter was,......but has not asked if I need anything 😳
Not good at all

So you said it would be nice if he asked if you needed anything, and he's still not offered? I wouldn't be happy at all

stickynoter · 04/10/2022 19:33

I'd accept the neighbours offer of shopping but I wouldn't be telling him your neighbour had offered re shopping to see how long it takes him to ask....if at all.

Tomorrowisalatterday · 04/10/2022 19:37

It wouldn't occur to me to ask this because everyone I know would just get groceries delivered - online supermarket, getir, deliveroo etc. And also to be honest wouldn't run out of food that fast either

billy1966 · 04/10/2022 19:42

Sorry you feel so miserable.

He has just shown you EXACTLY who he is and EXACTLY how little he thinks of you.

You can ignore this and carry on and end up in a relationship with someone who doesn't really give a damn about you OR you can see him for who he is and say No thanks, not good enough, I don't need a selfish man in my life.

I hope you are brave enough to see what is in front of you and save yourself bitter regret.

PhillyJoe · 04/10/2022 19:51

Tomorrowisalatterday · 04/10/2022 19:37

It wouldn't occur to me to ask this because everyone I know would just get groceries delivered - online supermarket, getir, deliveroo etc. And also to be honest wouldn't run out of food that fast either

Both times me and my kids had COVID I had multiple offers from friends and I also offered to friends when they did. Even if the answer is that they have a delivery scheduled, it is still kind to offer. I think assuming everyone you know is fine and never need help is pretty naive. And kind of antisocial tbh.

Original poster

AreWeThereYet69 · 04/10/2022 19:53

Tomorrowisalatterday · 04/10/2022 19:37

It wouldn't occur to me to ask this because everyone I know would just get groceries delivered - online supermarket, getir, deliveroo etc. And also to be honest wouldn't run out of food that fast either

I'd buy bread and milk every other day...and I've run out of paracetamol. Not sure what part of the world you're in but I'd have to wait approx a day for a grocery delivery....and as they say, its the thought that counts. And there wasn't much on his part.
I've shopped for multiple people during covid

OP posts:

samyeagar · 04/10/2022 19:53

This is a tough one because on the one hand it is nice to have a partner be proactive in showing thought and concern and asking what they can do to help. On the other hand, it is nice having a partner who can ask for what they want and need, and doesn't expect the other to be a mind reader.

Original poster

AreWeThereYet69 · 04/10/2022 19:55

Texted again and offered but it just feels a bit lukewarm. @billy1966 you're right, this is who he is. I kinda knew it already but this confirms if 😪

OP posts:

IsThePopeCatholic · 04/10/2022 20:00

He sounds thoughtless and selfish. You’re better off without him.

Mamato3boysand2dogs · 04/10/2022 20:09

This is shit. He didn't necessarily need to bring groceries etc as PPs have said but he could have very easily shown he CARED. A phone call, a message, just keeping tabs on your partner when they are not well. Pretty standard expectation. If someone you LOVE is suffering, it is on your mind, you want to help them.

He doesn't seem like a man in love. Utterly thoughtless and I'd be hurt.

Sorry you're unwell OP xx

redbigbananafeet · 04/10/2022 20:12

gamerchick · 04/10/2022 16:36

Why don't you ask if he can pick some bits up?

I don't think it's about the bits, it's about the thoughtlessness.

Tomorrowisalatterday · 04/10/2022 20:20

PhillyJoe · 04/10/2022 19:51

Both times me and my kids had COVID I had multiple offers from friends and I also offered to friends when they did. Even if the answer is that they have a delivery scheduled, it is still kind to offer. I think assuming everyone you know is fine and never need help is pretty naive. And kind of antisocial tbh.

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I think it's just different social circles. I didn't have anyone offer this when we had covid either, just not a thing we would offer. Of course if a friend asked me, I would try to help

stickynoter · 04/10/2022 20:55

Both times me and my kids had COVID I had multiple offers from friends and I also offered to friends when they did. Even if the answer is that they have a delivery scheduled, it is still kind to offer. I think assuming everyone you know is fine and never need help is pretty naive. And kind of antisocial tbh.

Exactly this. If someone told me they were ill the first thing I say is "let me know if there's anything you need/anything I can do" 9 times out of 10 nobody asks for anything but it's the offer that counts. It's showing you care, especially when someone is isolated from everyone

billy1966 · 04/10/2022 22:18

stickynoter · 04/10/2022 20:55

Both times me and my kids had COVID I had multiple offers from friends and I also offered to friends when they did. Even if the answer is that they have a delivery scheduled, it is still kind to offer. I think assuming everyone you know is fine and never need help is pretty naive. And kind of antisocial tbh.

Exactly this. If someone told me they were ill the first thing I say is "let me know if there's anything you need/anything I can do" 9 times out of 10 nobody asks for anything but it's the offer that counts. It's showing you care, especially when someone is isolated from everyone

I had meals and cakes left on the doorstep when we had it and I did the same for friends when they had it.

My circle of friends are always throwing the gift of food, alcohol and cakes at each other, its our language of love😁.

Even casual friends I would always offer to pick stuff up for, but very especially for any single friends.
When you are ill you really see who your friends are and it is natural to want to help out someone who might be stuck.

OP, I am sorry that he is that way, but really so much better than you carrying on putting yourself out for someone who wouldn't dream of reciprocating.

I really hope you feel better soon.

Zerrin13 · 05/10/2022 00:46

I think if someone doesn't show any care and concern when you are ill then they arnt really worth entertaining.
He isn't kind and that's probably the most important quality a man can have.

Aprilx · 05/10/2022 01:12

Whilst yes I think he could have asked, equally so could you. If I needed anything I would just ask. I wouldn’t presume somebody else needs anything after one day of feeling ill, I’d presume they has more than one day of supplies in.