I Need tips on managing a tricky work relationship

[DouglasTea]

I kind of job share. I do one third, colleague does 2/3, we overlap for about 6 hours a week.

We are a good team, as in our skills don't really overlap so our strengths are quite distinct. The fly in the ointment is that she can be moody (So I never know which version of her I will get) and frequently takes the leader role (especially when under pressure) and dictates to me.

This issue has been tackled several times: first when I sat down with her to discuss it, then I raised the issue with our manager and most recently our manager tackled her as she noticed this behaviour herself. Each time colleague has been a dream for a month or so but reverts back to habit.

Behaviour is: withholding information (we are supposed to be able to step into each other's shoes on projects and so have implemented an info sharing system, which works to a point, but there is onus on both of us to fill in verbally at crossover), talking down to me, correcting my work unnecessarily, nit picking and changing/over-riding decisions I have made. Small paper cut things mostly.

The thing is I now dread going into a job I love. I feel that having tackled this issue 3 times and we are still falling into the rut again I need to learn how to be thicker skinned and to not be so bothered by her tetchiness.

Is it monthly? Could be her PMS?
I suppose buying a job lot of omega 369 oils is out of the question

😆to the job lot of omega

I did think initially that could be it but no, it's not that 😳

It is undermining my confidence in my work so hence the thinking that if I toughen up I won't care so much.

Sorry to hear about this. I have experienced similar things in the workplace and it causes a lot of stress.
Withholding information is on the list of workplace bullying tactics and your employer is obliged to protect you. I would continue this conversation with your line manager.

uk.indeed.com/career-advice/career-development/examples-workplace-bullying

Tell your line manager that it's ongoing, and that your colleague needs reminding. This'll make it easy if she slips up again (because you can just give a nod to the manager, rather than having to go through it all again) and it takes the onus off you. It's not your responsibility to develop a thick skin to defend yourself from people not doing their jobs properly.

What's stopped you reporting her again, given that you've done it before and it was successful for a time?

What stopped me is becoming the whining worker! I keep saying the same thing, and she keeps on keeping on doing the same thing.

Whatever I suggest is "wrong!" Even when it isn't, she will correct the smallest details. It's tiresome at best but she is present twice as much as I am and therefore twice as valuable to the company.

I have considered just accepting that this is how it goes, the hours and the work suit me, if I could just toughen up to the nit picking and undermining i might be happier.

The "line manager" is the company owner. So, it's a tiny operation where we overlap in many roles.

but she is present twice as much as I am and therefore twice as valuable to the company

She's worth what she's paid, not the number of hours she works. She's making herself less valuable every time you have to mention her, and management have to use up man hours in telling her the same thing over and over. You don't have to keep whining. A 2 line email to your boss saying 'Could you have a word with Jessica please? She's gone back to behaving like before, thanks.' isn't whining. They obviously don't like how she's behaving otherwise they wouldn't have corrected her the first time. You're doing them a favour to give them the nod, and increasing your own value as an employee.

Stop doing yourself down for wanting a fair and reasonable workplace.

The upshot to this story is that I have resigned ☹.

I was reprimanded for asking questions (about a current project) and then asked to account for my time at work the previous day and subsequently scolded for tackling the "wrong project". It wasn't wrong and it wouldn't have mattered what i said: i was wrong before I even walked into the office.

She is not going to change and I cannot live like this. I was dreading going into work. I am crushed about this in one sense but feel it's the right decision for me. I feel bad for my supportive boss who was willing to tackle her again but I'd be back here next month asking for advice again.

Moody colleague will only have her own perfection to deal with now. And all the work.