So upset tonight

[Butterfly9090]

Background: married 15 years 2 dc
Situation: both work FT. I've taken on an extra job in the eve for more money for us. I'm doing an extra 13 hrs a week on top on top of my FT job.
Today I told him that I've booked a free no obligation appointment for window shutters. I'm not buying, just getting an idea of cost for future feasibility as i really want them one day He said he is fuming with me. He's come home tonight from the pub (I was out working till 8), got into bed, called me selfish, and is ignoring me. I'm in bits. I was in bed watching my tablet when he turned up. He's told me to go and get headphones.

I'm the least selfish person ever. I do everything at home and now the second job too. The second job is literally cleaning other people's shit up.
I can't sleep tonight, let alone go to work tomorrow as I'm so upset

Just needed to vent x

You're working 2 jobs and he's done the pub and he's out an €8k games room. I don't understand pricing something you can't afford but there are so many bigger problems that that.

Are you happy in this marraige? Would you be better off out of it? It seems very tough and unbalanced.

There is definitely one selfish person in this relationship and it definitely isn’t you. Your husband sounds absolutely awful, I couldn’t live like that.

Some thing of an aside, I do agree with him about booking the shutters appointment albeit for different reasons. If you have no intention whatsoever of buying any, please do not waste people’s working time like that. I had shutter installed a few years ago, the rep spent about two hours with me and with travel time would have been half his working day.

So he has a fully equipped games room but is still in the pub when you work a second job.

Your bedroom still not done.

He does little domestic contribution and complains about adding a couple of items onto an online shopping list.

Don't get upset OP get cross.

To be honest sounds like over the years you have put him on a god complex pedestal. You need to knock him off.

But I'm guessing you won't.

Why are you with him? You sound like you would be so much happier without him

As a few others have pointed out , you are working 2 jobs and he is out at the pub! Not on at all, you are supposed to be a team.

I don’t think you are selfish but I do think you are wasting your time and the sales persons time if you are only looking for a quote with no intention of getting the blind any time soon.

Start been selfish- keep any money left over from your jobs for yourself. Make your own dinner, leave his shit for him to sort out himself. Let's see how he copes...

He's an arsehole quite frankly.

Why did you want to do this for a man with so little respect for you who is modelling to your children that men can treat women like shit and women should accept it?

Do you really want your DC growing up believing that men should treat women like that? How many more years do you want to spend listening to it?
PP was right to say this. They're learning that cooking, cleaning, childcare and bringing in extra money needed are women's jobs and that a man's job is to do what he wants to do and tell a woman what to do.

This is so hugely damaging to them.

@Butterfly9090 I am even more annoyed on your behalf having read about the games room, the tickets. You sound fair and generous and … he the opposite. Argh.

God help you if this is real.🤷🏻‍♀️

I think getting even a no obligation quote is a bit odd if you are having financial stress. I kind of see his point although his reaction is a bit extreme. I wonder how you would react if he went to view a new car this weekend just for future/dreaming.

This. I agree wholeheartedly.

Also, do you guys have any debt and if so, who built it up? I am trying to understand if there's anything else in the background that may have caused him to overreact.

ZOMBIE THREAD