Being left

[cali2000]

Exhausted and hoping for some support. My husband of 22 years (relationship 26 years) told me that he wants to leave. This happened just over a week ago.
I was not expecting it and am in shock.
I desperately want to keep him.
id he really grateful if you could share some stories where this sort of thing has been resolved. Just need a boost!

Not really sure what to say here.
Did he give a reason for wanting to leave?

A mixture of reasons building up to wanting change

Do you get the feeling there is another woman?

Has he been late home? Business trips? New clothes and aftershave? Guarding his phone? Anything else?

It sounds as though he might be bored, or perhaps having a mid-life crisis.
Unfortunately, if one person wants to leave there's very little the other person can do to stop it from happening other than trying to get the leaver to talk and try to get to the bottom of the issue. Only then might you be able to come up with a solution.

Of course you are in shock - you have had the rug pulled from under your feet. I believe that it is inbuilt in most of us INITIALLY to want to keep the status quo and hence this is the first reaction. You will go through many types of emotions the next few weeks and months and you will be able to see your way through this a bit better than currently. It sounds like he has decided. I know you want a boost so believe me when I say that many women have been in this position and have ended up in a much better place. Is he still living at home?

Yes he’s still at home. Sometimes show signs that he wants to try but whatever I do I feel sick about it. I’ve been thinking that a little more time would help me get used to it.
I think he is having some sort of midlife crisis

What are the reasons?
Do they are sense?
Has he shown unhappiness for a while?
Has anything changed?
Is there another person involved?
Seems rather odd?

When this happened to me my DP was
sbowing all the signs of having a midlife crisis. Even his family thought that was the case. It turns out he was shagging a Mum
from the school buy chose to leave out this vital piece of information.

Sadly you can't keep someone. Maybe this line you wrote is very telling. Maybe he feels kept? This is a very hard thing to feel. If he is willing to do counselling then maybe that's worth going for but bear in mind it may be counselling for him to help you come to terms with him leaving.
I'm so sorry you are going through this.

@cali2000 sorry to hear your sad news, would be not go to relate? Sounds like a lot to throw away for no given reason.

Do you think he has feelings for someone else?

He's said his piece, you can't make him stay, talk to a solicitor get some control back. Assume he means what he says

I'm sorry. It's an awful shock. You won't get over it in a hurry.

But you will work out how to manage day to day. Especially if you don't let him do any creeping back or messing with your head. Don't tell yourself you want to keep him. Let him go. Kick him out, in fact. Do you have to share accommodation?

The resolution is the end of the marriage. If you want to make this a long-running sore, an open wound for years, keep trying to keep him. To heal, cut and cauterise, get him out of your life and rebuild.