How did you know you were being emotionally abused?

[Snailp]

I was reading an article online recently and it was like it had been written about my life. It shocked me and I realised I think I'm in an emotionally abusive relationship.

Nothing I do is good enough, I'm walking on eggshells constantly waiting for the next thing to set him off. He's never actually verbally abusive, but he is controlling my behaviour with his moods and over the top reactions to very small things.

But why is it so hard to leave someone who is emotionally abusive? I know I need to leave, I want to leave, yet it's still so hard.

How did you know you were in an emotionally abusive relationship and how did you leave?

Now you have the suspicion @Snailp , you can watch for things he does that give you evidence. Try and keep your eyes wide open and objective.

Mentally (or in a secret document) note any things he does that seem designed to manipulate you.

More evidence will make you feel more certain in your decision and more able to act.

@OldFan @Snailp

oldfan has it right.

make list and prepare your money and escape routes.

I knew because I felt like shit when I was around my partner. The methods of abuse were so subtle and there was gaslighting, so I couldn't really tell what was going on or why I felt bad. When I realised that I didn't need to know why I felt bad, and that all I needed to do was stay away from the source, I left, by saying 'You're emotionally abusing me, so this relationship is over', and not giving a toss about the response.

It's hard to leave because you've stayed through abuse, looking to yourself for the failings in the relationship, rather than realising that the failure is all your partner's. This means that if you've rested the success of the relationship upon you making improvements, then ending the relationship is the ultimate relationship failure on your part. But changing your mindset to recognise that blaming yourself all along was a mistake, and that leaving now is how to be a boundaried, disciplined, rocking success in your own right, is the way forward. If you're even considering that you might be being abused in any way, you need to get out, because feeling that they might be abused isn't something anyone with a healthy mindset would choose.

If you think it might be abuse, get far far away from it. That's what's healthy, strong, and will progress your life to a happier state. Tell him you're not happy, and leave, disregarding any of his responses. What he thinks doesn't matter, and he doesn't have to agree with you. You think he's bad for you, and it's your life, so what you say, goes.

Oh and @Snailp , I had a thread here. I mentioned anything weird/unpleasant/manipulative he did as it unfolded, so this was effectively a list. This meant that other people could confirm for me that the things were not ok, which helped me see through stuff and motivated me.

If you think you can do that without him finding this thread, you could do that, keep updating.

Within 2 or 3 weeks of my starting a thread which helped me see through to what his behaviour was really about, I blocked him on everything.