How to explain estranged grandparents to DS

[SunshineLollipops9]

We went no contact with DH's parents when our DS was a baby (so did DH's sister around the same time). Obviously, DS was too young to remember them. So it has me thinking. How do we tell him when he's old enough to understand? Or do we not? But then that feels like lying and feels wrong. He will be starting nursery soon and I think he will be more curious why his friends have 4 grandparents and he only has 1. Or why Daddy doesn't have any parents.

If you were estranged from your parents before you had children. How did they find out about them? Or did they not?

I doubt he’ll ask for a while. Then you tell the truth / they weren’t very kind to daddy and we don’t see them. Let him ask any questions. And move onto something else.

He will be starting nursery soon and I think he will be more curious why his friends have 4 grandparents and he only has 1. Or why Daddy doesn't have any parents.

I'd be very surprised if he even noticed to be honest. Most children won't have 4 grandparents some will have less and some might even have more with step grandparents.

His dad does have parents but you just don't see them. You don't need to go into much more detail than that until he's older and then if he asks questions just answer them in an age appropriate way as you would with anything else.

kids don't really look at it like I should have 4 grandparents, 2 per parent... hey where are my others?!!! Even more so these days with blended families in various forms.

while he's little it's easy enough to be honest as far as is required. As he gets older you can tell him more.

Answering the questions they ASK doesn't mean having to tell them everything!

& no, you don't need to sit him down & tell him.

This is perfect and to the point. You’re not lying and giving some woolly answer and it actually teaches them that you will look out for your children.

Don't worry about it. Any child today is going to have lots of friends with complicated families, single parents, same sex parents, several dads, step siblings, step grandparents, divorces and remarriages, grandparents in another country they never met. Aunts who emigrated. It's their everyday normal and they all take it in their stride.

"Yes, Dad had a Mum and Dad. Their names are Mary and Tom. You've never met them because they don't keep in touch".

We have a very complicated set up and 6 year old doesn't question it. The only thing she seemed stuck on was why so and so is called aunty if she's not an aunty. I just explained that aunty soand so is my best friend in the world and cares for you like an aunty.

Good luck