Building the courage to leave him

[Birdie002]

I have done numerous threads now on clearly what a failed marriage I have.

Everyone on everyone post has told me to leave. I am at my breaking now but we have 2 small kids. He's made it clear he wouldn't want to be with me and he's only here because of the kids.

When I tell him then leave and don't be with me, he won't because he wants the kids close and clearly too jealous to let me go.

His words basically doesn't really want to be with me yet won't let me go either.

I have been with him since I was 15 and now almost 30.

How do I build the courage to leave?! I am sat here crying my eyes out because I don't want to break this family for my kids sake & I know people will say the kids suffer more this way but my kids think we are the happiest and this is her safe zone.

How do 2 people who were crazy in love with each other get to a point like this 😢

Forget the "crazy in love" bollocks. Neither of you love each other. Look at the facts. Who owns the house you live in?

The only thing holding you back from moving forward and finding a happy life is you. Just leave him already and take each day as it comes. It will be a challenge at first, and then I promise you, it will get better and better. Your life is a sham right now. Demand better for yourself.

But we were crazy in love, something that anyone who spent enough time with us always pointed out. I just can't believe how things have declined

When people say it, it sounds so easy but it's not. I've had the words "it's over" just sitting at the tip of my tongue and struggling to break everything.

It will be hard and horrible to end it - it will take courage. And it will be worth it.

Good luck OP.

I just keep picturing my kids and it hurts and makes it more difficult.

& then it's the years and years we spent together.

Thank you x

It’s so painful to let go of something once so genuinely valuable. But now it is something different, something toxic to you.

Once you had a beautiful golden coin and it was hugely valuable. But over time it has become tarnished and worthless and holding it in your hand brings your skin up in painful blisters, and the pain will only get worse, and the value will never be recovered. It’s only the idea of the past keeping you gripping onto something which is damaging you.

Its very human and very understandable OP.

Look up 'sunk costs fallacy'. It doesn't matter how 'in love' you were or for how long, don't sacrifice your future happiness because of a past that is dead and gone.

Your children will adjust and be fine as long as you maintain a calm face through it all. This isn't the '50s and divorce is no longer a 'stigma'. There are (or will be) probably more children in their class from lone parent homes than from two parent homes.

I'm not saying it will be easy or simple, but in the end it will be so worth it, for all of you.

But before you do anything....see a solicitor. You need to educate yourself as to what you might expect in a divorce.

It's like ripping a plaster off, the quicker you do it the quicker it stops hurting.