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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Should I be aiming for more?

9 replies

purplerain13 · 02/10/2022 23:11

Been in a relationship with someone for over 18 months. We see each other once a week, and due to distance and his commitments to his DC, it doesn't look that this will change in the near future.
However, surprisingly, it seems to suit me. I have a busy job, DC of my own and a health condition which causes fatigue, so I don't particularly need to see him more.
My sister and best friend don't understand my acceptance of this situation, saying that the relationship isn't progressing.
We text and call daily and I'm never lonely.
Is this set up ok, or should I be looking for a relationship where I'm able to spend more time with a partner?

OP posts:

Gilly0812 · 02/10/2022 23:13

Sounds fine to me

justanothermummma · 02/10/2022 23:15

Are you happy?
Are they happy?

If so, then it's perfect as it is.

Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 02/10/2022 23:17

You’re both happy so it’s fine. Disregard opinion of other because they’re basing their opinions on what they want of a relationship.

it actually sounds very healthy and sensible, especially considering children are involved. I mean this place is full of threads where 2 people have moved in with each other and can’t stand each other’s kids, or messiness etc

Musti · 02/10/2022 23:18

You’re both happy so that’s great! Tell your sister and best friend to stay out of it!

ManAboutTown · 02/10/2022 23:24

Relationships are purely about the individuals involved - you sound happy with the arrangements and if he is that is entirely up to you both.

Tell the other parties to bog off - it's your life and if you are happy with it then that's it

RaininSummer · 02/10/2022 23:31

If it's giving you what you want and need in a relationship then it's right for you so tell people who ask you just that.

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 02/10/2022 23:38

If you're both happy with the relationship as it is that's what matters. Maybe things will change in the future, maybe they won't. Progression is about the people in the relationship getting what they need, moving in together, marriage, kids, but if you don't want to do those things why should you. What matters is you're both where you want to be and happy in your relationship. What others think you 'should' do or 'should' want really doesn't matter.

Original poster

purplerain13 · 02/10/2022 23:40

He's definitely happy, and I'm delighted 😂. I suppose I also find it strange that after longing for living together and marriage for as long as I can remember, I now relish my alone time. Maybe has something to do with the fact that I've been married and in my forties now.

OP posts:

ManAboutTown · 02/10/2022 23:47

@purplerain13

I separated from my longstanding wife a few years ago - nothing to do with any really bad behaviour like cheating, abusiveness or those MN favourites narcissism and controlling - more we just drifted apart.

Recently we decided to have another try - we've always been of the same mind so here we go.

It's been like dating her 25 years ago - we have had two or three brilliant nights and a bit of a smooch in a taxi. Made me feel like a new man.

I suspect this will go where you are - our relationship going forward will be on our terms and tp hell with everyone else

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