Should I leave?

[SouthernConflictedDad]

My partner and I have been married for 10 years, and have a young child. Our relationship hasn't been great for a while. My partner believes all of the issues are mine and I'm the one who has changed. I have suggested relationship counselling and she's refused- she doesn't have anything to fix. What do I do? If it wasn't for our child, I'd leave, but the thought of not being there to tuck her into bed kills me. Then there are the financials. I earn most of the household income, but plan on a full 50% spilt of all parenting meaning maintenance will be minimal. I'm not convinced my OH could afford to provide adequately for our child and I don't want my child to miss out on the things she has now. I do care about my OH, but it's more as a friend and co-parent than romantic.

If your dp is refusing counselling and won't accept that she has any faults, then she's effectively saying "Like it or lump it" - and in your position, I'd lump it.

I earn most of the household income, but plan on a full 50% spilt of all parenting meaning maintenance will be minimal. I'm not convinced my OH could afford to provide adequately for our child and I don't want my child to miss out on the things she has now.

Well yes, legally you would only be required to pay minimal maintenance, but you realise nobody will stop you continuing to pay for extra-curriculars, activities, clothes, etc that your DD enjoys? Maintenance doesn't count as income, so no need to worry about affecting your DP's benefit claim or anything like that.

There are two issues - relationship issues currently and financials in case you split.
Relationship wise - you have only a few options:
… you can tell her - you need counselling or you are ready to divorce - (but you must then be prepared to actually follow up)
… you accept the status quo and stick it out for the sake of being around your child full time…. Often this also means you end up meeting someone else in the process that eventually accelerates the timeline

As to what what happens with financials if you do separate - 50/50 childcare split doesn’t exactly mean what you think it means. It doesn't mean that you are forbidden from spending money on your child to give them opportunities and experiences you want them to have. YOU can spend as much as you are willing/able.
If you can fund activities, clubs, education, etc - no one will stop you. You can take the child on nice vacations for the time they are with you, and your ex will take them on vacations she can afford.