What to say to friend re ghosting

[BluKorner]

I have a friend who I have known for a long time. She is very intense and I find her very full on, but she has a genuinely kind heart.

She messaged me a few months ago, and I didn’t respond. She has messaged me once a month since and I haven’t responded. I know that’s really crappy of me, but I had post natal depression and things hit an all time low and I didn’t want to talk to anyone so completely cut everyone off. I’m now getting the strength to start speaking to people again.

I need to message her and I know she will immediately have a go at me for ghosting her and make me feel like shit. But I don’t want to tell her why I went so quiet because it’s personal. I know even if I tell her I had a lot on she will still pull me up on not finding the time to message her, because she will just assume I’ve been busy and ignoring her because she’s not important. I really don’t want to tell her how much I’ve been struggling recently.

Any ideas how to approach or what to say?

Hi Friend, I'm sorry I've been really crap at staying in touch or even responding to your messages. Please don't take it personally, life has been kicking my ass for a bit. I don't want to get into the details but wanted to apologize.

I think you just need to be totally honest. No excuses, just the reasons, tell her you needed space (you don't even need to go into detail). Acknowledge she's got every right to be pissed off and if she accepts an apology great, if not, then at least you've tried.

Hope it works out.

Tbh, if she has messaged you once a month, despite having received nothing back from you, it sounds to me as though she'd be quite understanding.

She's communicating to you that she's still there for you even though you haven't replied. She's not cut you off, she's not had a go, she's not bombarded you with messages. She's just continued sending you a quiet, "I'm still here."

Either tell her the truth or tell her that you keep checking your messages at an inconvenient time and then you forget. It happens to me sometimes. Or I usually forget to respond after someone sends me a huge message and I don’t reply there and then because I want to allocate some time to construct a sincere response, then I forget :s

You could be my friend, op. I have a friend who has distanced the last year or so. I know she will message when she's ready. I message every month or so and will be relieved when I hear from her - no pressure.

Ps if you are my friend I'm here when you're ready. I messaged my friend this afternoon

Copy & paste what you wrote above. Don't dwell on it who cares.