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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

“High Functioning” Autism Women

8 replies

MumofOne1789 · 02/10/2022 16:26

Felt different my whole life. Have recently been looking into Autism to explain why I’m the way I am.

I hear about autism a lot more than I used to and watching Christine McGuinnes my family and autism was just huge for me on the path to accepting myself.

I desperately want to have some close friends. I dont click with NT women and have always gravitated towards females who also were a bit quirky.

If you’re autistic, what has helped you make friends, or connect with people who get you? Any good websites or group meet ups? I feel like there’s a lot of autism online but actually meeting people in real life is difficult, but I guess that’s down to our ‘masking’.

OP posts:
BisonGrassVodka · 02/10/2022 23:31

Felt different my whole life. Have recently been looking into Autism to explain why I’m the way I am.
I hear about autism a lot more than I used to and watching Christine McGuinnes my family and autism was just huge for me on the path to accepting myself.
I desperately want to have some close friends. I dont click with NT women and have always gravitated towards females who also were a bit quirky.
If you’re autistic, what has helped you make friends, or connect with people who get you? Any good websites or group meet ups? I feel like there’s a lot of autism online but actually meeting people in real life is difficult, but I guess that’s down to our ‘masking’.

As a 61 year male in the exact same situation. I have some very close friends or so I thought, I had to be rushed into hospital with urosepsis last Sunday night, on Monday morning I required some items from home for during my stay, I called 7 of my so called friends and all claimed to be too busy, despite my worrying condition, needless to say, I will be having words when I get out of hospital and back home.

I have two children, both on the spectrum and it was only after I realised some of their habits and behaviour was similar to mine, that I decided to do something. I spent some time, looking online doing research and doing tests/online questionnaires to try and gauge my possible whereabouts within the ASD. After the online tests, I calculated I'd scored 87%, I also started to write down what I thought I did differently and what I thought were habits/"stims". A few days later I went to my doctors with my findings and a letter was sent to the local mental health dept. Since then, I've had an initial interview/consultation and the result of that was a hugely positive confirmation that I was on the spectrum and help would be given.

The down side of of this, is the wait until I can be given a counsellor, I get a monthly update from the office, but it could be near to christmas before I get an appointment and this is from initial diagnosis in February. But I would recommend you seek assistance.

As for making new friends, I try all the time, a couple of times a week I go to coffee shops, book shops and the like and try and strike up a conversation, sometimes I get to chat, sometimes I'm ignored, but only you can do this, remember, you are not limited by your condition. For me it's been an opportunity to make the most of my quirkiness and I like it.

Go out and talk to people, the majority do not bite.

BoardLikeAMirror · 02/10/2022 23:33

You might both like to look at the Neurodiverse Mumsnetters' board, to connect with fellow neurodivergent Mumsnetters:

www.mumsnet.com/talk/neurodiverse_mumsnetters

AutisticHouseMove · 03/10/2022 07:32

I don't really have any friends.

I have acquaintances and people I know but, tbh, I get fed up of other people's petty dramas and endless introspection.

There have been times I've craved close female friends but constantly feel I'm walking out of step with NT women and, the ones I do connect with, I can only tolerate being around for short periods of time even if I really like them.

My two closest friends are a woman I see and speak to only a few times a year and a ND man. But I still find it hard.

Fladdermus · 03/10/2022 07:34

I'm autistic and am lucky enough to have a few really close friends. The trick, meet up with other autistic people or people you suspect are autistic. It's really easy to make friends when you're both singing from the same hymn sheet.

Emmelina · 03/10/2022 07:41

Fladdermus · 03/10/2022 07:34

I'm autistic and am lucky enough to have a few really close friends. The trick, meet up with other autistic people or people you suspect are autistic. It's really easy to make friends when you're both singing from the same hymn sheet.

Absolutely this. My teenage daughter is autistic. She has four close friends, they’re all neurodiverse (autism, ADHD, or both). They just ‘get’ each other. They don’t have to worry about conforming with each other. They can stim and it won’t confuse anyone else in the party. If one needs to go find somewhere quiet, the others understand. It’s so nice.

Fladdermus · 03/10/2022 09:01

Emmelina · 03/10/2022 07:41

Absolutely this. My teenage daughter is autistic. She has four close friends, they’re all neurodiverse (autism, ADHD, or both). They just ‘get’ each other. They don’t have to worry about conforming with each other. They can stim and it won’t confuse anyone else in the party. If one needs to go find somewhere quiet, the others understand. It’s so nice.

Also we don't have the need for constant communication and small talk. So nobody is offended if we don't have contact for 6 weeks or 6 months and nobody feels the stress of having to maintain a conversation every single day.

Tootels · 03/10/2022 09:08

I'm autistic I don't see anyone. It's too much effort. I'm overwhelmed and like quiet.

OldFan · 03/10/2022 13:26

I learned what I think is a better way of thinking during Corona @MumofOne1789 .

Learned to be happy with my own company.

I don't need friends anymore in order to give me happiness and self worth.

Friends are a bonus for me now and the number of friends I have is not something I live my life stressing about.

I think this makes me a better friend too, as I'm not desperate. Surely that makes me more attractive to other people.

I have a couple of close friends and am close to some family.

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