Is there a way back?

[LostSoul11]

Long post sorry.

Been with my partner for 7 years, engaged for 3, getting married next year. For the last year and a half my libido has been through the floor, resulting in next to no physical intimacy between us, I have rejected him or pushed him away more times than I can remember, I am still very attracted to him and totally in love but I have no drive for it at the moment, I am speaking with doctors about this as I believe it may be a result of being on the pill.

I found out yesterday that he had messaged an escort last week while he was working away, nothing happened and they didn't meet up. He has been totally transparent with the messages exchanged. I am heartbroken, totally and utterly destroyed.

Is there a way through this? He is begging for forgiveness and knows how much he has messed up, he hasn't said anything to blame me but I feel extremely responsible, I haven't giving him any affection or intimacy for such a long time and I do feel as though I have pushed him towards this 😔

This is extremely hard for me to post so please no aggressive or judgey replies, I just need help and advice. TIA x

I guess it’s about how remorseful he is and how genuinely sorry. I think if you have never had cause to distrust him then you might be able to work on it. But if he has form for cheating or raising suspicion then that’s a worry.

I don’t think you should blame yourself, it’s easy to do that but he should’ve been supportive to you and how you were feeling and tried to help find a way forward together, rather than looking at escorts….

I think there is a way back from this providing you both want to put the work in and start having some really honest conversations.

Him being transparent is good, but how did you find out?

Rejection isn’t a nice feeling, but there’s no excuse for looking elsewhere. If he was unhappy he should have ended the relationship. However there is a world of difference between wanting to go through with it, or making a stupid mistake by messaging and realising what he had done.

I agree you need to look at why your sex drive has vanished, but you also need to ask yourself if you can ever truly trust him again?

You did not 'push' him into this. He had other options available to him, the ultimate of which would have been to lay his cards on the table and say to you that he was getting very close to paying for sex. Not a very nice or easy thing to say to your significant other but much better to do that than to skulk around behind your back booking escorts.

Visiting prostitutes can become addictive so you need to have a frank talk with him about whether he's being honest.