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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feeling a bit confused...

10 replies

Daisydaisy22 · 02/10/2022 08:35

Hey everyone,

So I've been seeing this guy for nearly 6 months. Met via a dating site. We usually meet one or twice a week. He has met my teenage children fairly early on tbh. Not my usual stance on things. Last relationship was going for a year before I did this.
We generally have a good time together, share a few interests.

He won't let me meet his children yet. All above 15 years old.
He won't be Facebook friends. I'm not a big poster and never post relationship stuff on there, which I've told him.
I've met one of his family members and none of his friends. He came on a camping trip with a huge group of my (not close) friends and my children.

Last time i saw him, as he was leaving he told me he was meeting up with a female friend for a long bike ride. He said he couldnt commit to a time/ day to meet as had to for it with weather and her. I joked ah, well, see you when you can fit me in..

Bike ride went on for so long he couldnt even get to me til quite late in the eve, so said not to bother, as I was tired. He can't see the problem with meeting uobwith her.. and not doubt many of you will agree... I said is he happy with me meeting other men for walks, rides then?He replied he didnt want to discuss it right then.

My issue is, I'm feeling very distant from his life and very low on the priority list. I'm honestly not a needy person, but after this amount of time I thought we may have moved on a bit more....

OP posts:
OnTheBrinkOfChange · 02/10/2022 08:44

You're wasting your time with this one, OP. He's not the man for you.

Darbs76 · 02/10/2022 09:21

I wouldn’t waste anymore time on him, he’s clearly not willing to include you in his life

RubyRedBoots · 02/10/2022 09:25

You're not at the top end of his list of priorities and, after 6 months, he has made no improvement in this area.

Get rid. Sorry.

Watchkeys · 02/10/2022 09:42

I'm feeling very distant from his life and very low on the priority list

Your thread is titled 'Feeling confused', but you're not. You know how you feel. The question is, why don't you respect how you feel? Your feelings are signposts; why aren't you following them?

Cornflakegirll · 02/10/2022 09:45

What a waste of your time and effort, throw him back and move on.

Surely you can see you deserve better than this!

GreyCarpet · 02/10/2022 09:50

I wouldn't have an issue with him meeting up with a friend for a day's bike ride. Or it running on later than anticipated.

If...

He'd kept me updated to let.me know I a reasonable time frame that was likely to happen (they'll have stopped for a drink/food at.some point) so I could make other plans and if I wasn't such a low priority in his life generally.

The female friend and the bike ride are irrelevant. People should be able to meet up with friends for a day out. But the rest of it is why you are feeling so strongly about that.

Aprilx · 02/10/2022 09:54

You feel like you are low on his priority list because you are. You can see it, you know you can do better, you know you need to throw this one back.

Daisydaisy22 · 02/10/2022 12:16

GreyCarpet · 02/10/2022 09:50

I wouldn't have an issue with him meeting up with a friend for a day's bike ride. Or it running on later than anticipated.

If...

He'd kept me updated to let.me know I a reasonable time frame that was likely to happen (they'll have stopped for a drink/food at.some point) so I could make other plans and if I wasn't such a low priority in his life generally.

The female friend and the bike ride are irrelevant. People should be able to meet up with friends for a day out. But the rest of it is why you are feeling so strongly about that.

Agree..I heard nothing from him from 10 am til about 7.30pm. If he had told me something about her etc.but was a total surprise he was going out with her. This is a bit of a trigger for me I'll admit.
You are right about the rest 🙏

OP posts:
Sunnytwobridges · 02/10/2022 12:19

Yeah he’s not making you feel like a priority, I would end it. He will always make you feel this way.

Daisydaisy22 · 03/10/2022 22:03

So, quick update... we had a chat on the phone earlier.he said he wasnt sure he sure me as a long term thing, which is why he hasn't introduced me to his children, friends etc.. kind of echoed what I was thinking.. my teenage children have been absolute stars this eve.. family first 🙏 thanks everyone for your input.. you helped me see things clearer.. xx

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