Get it off your chest or be the bigger person

[Rockchick1987]

Bit of a long story a man I have been seeing for awhile is giving me the run around, he was the one who called me his gf first, always saying how much he was missing me and making plans for weekends together then when I started making plans too suddenly it was moving to fast and stressing him out. I asked him if it was over and he said no but could we slow down which i agreed to but hes barely messaging me and I haven't seen him for 3 weeks. I know it's done and I'm going to say so as I'm fed up of being left dangling and there's so much I want to say him about his behaviour mostly saying he wants a future together but then keeping his options open. I don't like bottling things up and feel I need to have it out with him to get closure but he's just going to twist it as me being paranoid, insecure and petty so do I say nothing.

A good way to make these decisions is to think how you'll feel about it in the future. When you look back in 6 months and he's 'just some bloke' in your head, without all the current emotions, will you be pleased to have thrown yourself into the path of his abusive words, or would you be more pleased to let him think what the hell he wants/do what the hell he wants, and have chosen to have nothing to do with him?

I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of letting him know that it’s bothering me. Men aren’t daft, they know when they are being unreasonable. Let the words out to get it out of your system just not to him. You’re worth more. Leave with dignity and do something nice for yourself instead. Some men honestly 😫

Can you adjust the notion of needing to "have it out" in order to get closure? I find often that other people don't really need to know in detail what I'm thinking, and so long as my decisions are ones that I'm good with then i can just forge ahead.

I always think it's more dignified to say nothing, and soon enough your emotions will dissipate and you'll be so glad you were the bigger person.

The risk, if you vent it all out to him, is that he twists what you say and you end up feeling like you were the unreasonable one - which you quite clearly aren't.

So I would get it all out to a friend so your feelings aren't bottled up, but to him I would just keep it quite simple - this relationship isn't what I'm looking for. If he then wants to know why, you can (hopefully more calmly) point out that first he wanted to go fast, then he wanted to slow down to a snail's pace, and this just doesn't suit you.

If I had to guess, I would think he is seeing someone (or someones) else - he reels you in but it has to be on his timetable, when you start to make plans he cuts you off. Either way, he's messing with your head and you don't need that.