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Original poster

Having a laugh at ex-friend

32 replies

Auguste · 01/10/2022 22:37

Sorry this will be long, not looking for advice, just sharing a story.

Met a mum in a playground just over 1 year ago. Out DDs (3 yo at the time) started playing with each other and we exchanged numbers and then had a few playdates over the summer in 2021.

My STBX husband is an ogler and a sleaze, can't help it. I invited this new friend and her family over to our house exactly 1 year ago. Our husbands met for the first time and I thought it was a nice idea to socialise with another family (we moved in our new house right before lockdown and didn't manage to make many friends by then).

I offered to make lunch (pizza - with home made dough) and so whilst I spent some time in the kitchen putting the oven on and getting the pizzas ready, the 3 of them were chatting in the living room. When I came back in the living room I could sense the atmosphere has changed and H and this woman were exchanging flirtatious glances. I felt sick to my stomach that this cretin of a H I was married to couldn't help doing it here, in our house, in front of this woman's husband. I know it was him starting it.

To cut a long story short, I came to MN for advice at the time and people suggested I should give her another chance and invite her again and see how things go then. We'll, I did. H was very excited they were coming and I could see it clearly when they were here that what I sensed the previous time was right. I never said or did anything that would give away the fact that I was aware of what was happening. They left and this woman never contacted me again. EVER. This was a woman who would text me almost on a daily basis, oversharing things, initiating playdates and so on. I never contacted her either.

Fast forward 11 months, I went to a playground today, half way between our house and theirs. We live about 4 miles away from them. I was in the sandpit with DD when I spoted a familiar face on the other side of it. And I realise it's her. Whilst all sorts of thoughts crossed my mind, whether to get DD and leave or sit here and wait for her to approach me, I could see her DH sat next to her and both of them whispering to each other and discreetly looking at me. Then 2 mins later I could see them grabbing their DD out of the sandpit and taking her to a different part of the playground. Then 5 mins later they took their DD, her husband holding their DD in his arms and her pushing the pram, rushing out of the playground. When they got out they were running as if they saw Satan. I mean, sad people!!! I laughed to myself to be honest and I keep wondering what could she possibly have told her DH to make him run out of the playground like that 😄. Sad sad people.

P.s. my STBX ended up assaulting me a few months ago and Police was involved. I couldn't wait to share this story with this woman and tell her he'll soon be divorced and available...if she wasn't so quick to leave.

OP posts:
LemonDrop22 · 03/10/2022 09:37

*When you came back into the room and the atmosphere had "changed" and your friend never contacted you again, have you considered your ex had done something unacceptable op?

Your friend's husband was there during both meet ups. It is a stretch to think she was flirting with her husband and child in the room. I would think it far more likely that your ex made her nervous and she was trying to be friendly.*

LuckyLil · 03/10/2022 10:34

I'm wondering if you may be misinterpreting her discomfort at your husband's behaviour as flirting back. It seems like as a couple they felt equally uncomfortable around both of you.

KettrickenSmiled · 03/10/2022 11:39

aurynne · 02/10/2022 02:03

OP, I find it very concerning that you cannot see the more than likely reason this couple behaves like they do. Your Ex-H's influence in you is still, unfortunately, very patent.

it is obvious that the flirting and inappropriate behaviour all came from your Ex-H and made this poor woman so uncomfortable, that she must have told her DH about it (or even more likely, he noticed himself) and they have decided not to have any contact with you or your Ex-H or ever come to your house again, as they believed you were in collusion with this.

What I find even more concerning is not that you have bought into your Ex-H's view of the world - as in that "the woman was responding to his flirting, she must be as guilty as him", but that after finally getting rid of the piece of shit that your Ex-H was, you are still brainwashed enough by him to goad over this poor's couple discomfort at encountering you again. I can only imagine what this poor woman had to endure at the time, your Ex-H unwanted advances on her, and the ones you probably didn't see or were aware of. I wouldn't be surprise, considering her reaction, if your Ex-H had pursued and harassed this woman outside of those brief visits to your house.

"My STBX husband is an ogler and a sleaze, can't help it."

Read your own words again. And again. And then think back to what happen.

Oh come off it.

This wasn't a random woman, it was OP's FRIEND.

How would you feel if someone you thought of as a friend just dumped you because your H flirted with them? Not exactly sisterly, is it?

Would you not hope that your friend would tell you of her discomfort, & you could support each other through it while you worked out whether you were going to leave your disloyal H?

anotherdisaster · 03/10/2022 12:34

I think people are being really harsh (and some nasty) here as you sound like you've been through a lot.
It does sound likely that your ex has made them feel uncomfortable which is why you never heard from them again. I do, however, think its unfair they take that out on you when it wasn't exactly your fault your husband is a sleaze. Perhaps they just feel really awkward.
Ideally it would have been fairer if she had just told you straight rather than running away and avoiding you, but people deal with these things differently.
I'm sorry you were married to this scumbag and hope you can heal from all this.

Trez1510 · 03/10/2022 14:41

KettrickenSmiled · 03/10/2022 11:39

Oh come off it.

This wasn't a random woman, it was OP's FRIEND.

How would you feel if someone you thought of as a friend just dumped you because your H flirted with them? Not exactly sisterly, is it?

Would you not hope that your friend would tell you of her discomfort, & you could support each other through it while you worked out whether you were going to leave your disloyal H?

Show quote history

I'd agree if it were a long-term friendship. However, OP says she only met the other Mum a year ago and she had only been in their home twice with the sleazebag present.

My thoughts, dark as they are, went along the lines of what a pp has said. Given friend and her husband both took exception to something said or done by sleazebag, and no-one took any direct action/responded at that time, my thoughts go to sleazebag having 'propositioned' them in some way.

That would certainly explain why both are very obviously avoiding OP, whether they're aware or not of separation.

7eleven · 03/10/2022 15:20

I suspect this couple thought you were sizing them up for some swinging.

Odd that you’re angry with them, when you know your husband caused this.

Mamato3boysand2dogs · 03/10/2022 21:46

Why are they "sad people"? Why were you laughing at them?

I think you'll find you've been made to look very silly.

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