Am I gay?

[Popcorns]

I know no-one can answer, really. I'm just looking for feedback, I suppose.

I found female friendships growing up intense, I'd get attached quickly. I had a girlfriend when I was early 20s but this ended when she cheated.

I've been married to a man for 15 years. I do find men attractive but only to a certain extent, I've never fancied a guy so much I wanted to rip his clothes off, and don't find sex with a man that great, but assumed this is normal?

Sex with my ex girlfriend was great, although looking back it was all about her needs, I don't think I minded!

I feel like something is missing, like I'm not myself. I don't know if I'm making these worries up in my head. Previously I considered myself bisexual, which DH knows, but I feel like I've only just realised that I'm not really that sexually attracted to men - before marrying DH while dating, I was happy to kiss a guy but was never turned on/interested in going further. I did love any attention that made me feel attractive.

I had a terrible, abusive childhood and had very low self esteem for years, I feel as though validation from men made me feel better in some way, but now I'm finally more confident after therapy and working hard, maybe I've been in denial for years?

I don't know. This has all been thrown up as my ex girlfriend from my 20s has been in touch and wants to meet up.

I think that @StarlightLady has a really good point here.

A lot of people find that their sexuality changes throughout their lifetimes and in particular it’s really common for women to desire other women more as they get older.

Its a tricky subject to discuss online because the idea of sexuality changing often comes hand in hand with homophobia, but I think it’s actually really helpful in exploring your own thoughts.

For yourself I wonder if it would be helpful to reflect on where your attraction to other people lies now, in this moment, rather than seeing it as a continuous thing that must have always been the same throughout your life.

Id also poing out that the choice here isn’t between your husband or your ex. There are also options where you could step away from both and consider dating to find a woman who would treat you well.

What does relevance does your preference for dissatisfaction have for OP?

Do you think everybody should settle for unhappiness rather than follow their curiosity and venture out of their uncomfortable comfort zone?

Well, IF she is gay then she is not doing her partner any favours by staying with him either.

The next relationship may not work out, or the one after that… that doesn’t mean she should stay with a man, that will certainly not make her happy.

Lots of things make up a relationship so sexual attraction, while important, isn't the only thing to consider.

Do you feel there's something missing emotionally or romantically too that would only be met by a woman or are you satisfied in those areas by your relationship with your husband?

Being bisexual is fine. It isn't either or. (It also doesn't mean lack of seriousness or promiscuous or that you're attracted to all people, without sexual boundaries that some people imply.) And as we explore out sexuality, it is okay to use one label or another as try to understand ourselves better.