I’m lonely

[Sunmoonstarsandsea]

Feel a bit sad admitting that.

I am married, and we have one toddler. My DH works away sometimes and weekends see, to get taken up with garden,housework, swimming, going to recycling centre. I feel I don’t see much of him. Feels like everyone else is having family days out … can anyone empathise?

Would family days out really solve it? Or is it more that you’re wanting deep conversation? Maybe think about what you wish you could communicate or what it is you need - attention, affection, someone to listen?

I think many people think the grass is greener on the other side but sometimes it's brown. There is a sing called Brown Grass by Gregory Porter. It's worth a listen. Can you perhaps talk to ur husband and try and organise some outings and also some time for just the two of u? If your toddler goes to play school can you use the time to join a club- something just for you? 🙂

Yes, you can be lonely in a relationship, even a long term one. It’s absolutely shit.

You need to make a life for yourself in the week. Don't you meet up with friends with your toddler? Join some toddler groups and make friends that way.

We don’t really get to have any time without toddler - don’t really mind this, I just sort of feel like I’m parenting alone a lot of the time and it would be nice to feel like someone’s in it with me, maybe?

I do converse

It sounds to me like you need a regular date night that is non-negotiable. Explain to DH that dates nights are MUCH less expensive and time consuming than divorce !

And maybe add a hobby to your life that is just for you, and introduces you to some new faces.

It’s really hard to do anything because his work isn’t regular. I do actually do quite a lot, mostly with toddler, but while it’s nice to talk to people it’s really the evenings and weekends I find hard.

So like now DH has gone out to buy some stuff he needs to do the garden. So it’s not like he isn’t doing things, it’s just it always leaves me with toddler and it does get a bit isolating.

Hi op we do a walking group. Mon to Thursd. I dont go every eve but it gets me out. Could he mind the baby 1 evening. Or do your friends have kids walk with kids or get a coffee

Have you spoken to him about it? Also, if he's buggering off when you could be doing stuff as a family, he can take the toddler with him.

I don’t get anywhere when I try to talk to him. He just focuses on what it is that needs doing ‘well I needed to collect the car part / I had to defrost the freezer / the wall needed painting.’