No sex

[PeacefulPottering]

Just the usual, I'm menopausal, don't have any sex drive,
We have clung on to our relationship after his affair from five years ago. I hate him sexually, don't want to be close to him. He thinks everything is okay, I forgave him.

Perhaps you need to consider leaving. You hate him and haven't forgiven him. That's not exactly a recipe for happiness

Yes just that , I haven't forgiven him but I know my lack of sex drive has been a problem,

How was your sex drive before the affair began?

It was okay, I felt desire, we had the what I think is the usual getting back together desire/sex but now I hate him. I don't like him . He irritates me.

If you hate him and find him irritating, there's not much hope for your relationship is there?

Sorry don't want to ask for help without backstory.
Together 25 years, two kids, both kids now left for Uni and I'm feeling a bit bereft. Me and partner now living together but I'm not wanting sex, just don't want to be close to him. He wants to be, I'm not

And he cheated five years ago. I didn't deal with it very well, I had mental health issues which I have dealt with, I got help from my Dr and meds

To be honest once a partner cheats you can't really get back to how it used to be, similar thing happened to me, I was married 17 years and my husband cheated, I took him back but never fully forgave him but tried for the sake of our child, the reconciliation didn't work, he kept going back and forth between me and his girlfriend for a few months, but as I was no longer in love it didn't bother me that much as he was sleeping in the spare room, in the end I just chucked him out, we divorced, sold the marital house and I went on to meet my now fiance of 10 years and I'm happier than ever

Peaceful, he also cheated in January and you left him. He said he wasn’t in love with you. I commented on your thread, and you received a lot of support. After several weeks you said you were ‘feeling strong, me again.’

You obviously reconciled, but you don’t have peace of mind or desire for closeness. I’m not at all surprised, as he has treated you with contempt and callous disregard. My trust and respect for him would have plummeted to zero.

Are you considering leaving again?

You hate him and don’t want him close, that isn’t forgiving him.

this isn’t a relationship, you need to leave x

A fried was in the same position as you. Forgave him for the affair but then never did. It was with her every day. When having sex all she could think of was instead of him being inside her, of him being inside the OW. After a few years she threw it in and asked for a divorce. He was devastated but she knew she couldn't carry on.

Left, some time alone but then met someone new and married (happily). She regrets the years wasted and unhappy.

I think you know what you need to do

What keeps you there?

Why are you clinging to your relationship? It sounds like you would be happier apart.

I had this. We'd been together 20 years with 2 primary school aged children. I stuck it out for 4 years (after finding out) and then I left him. I just couldn't move past the betrayal and he made my skin crawl. All desire had left. I'm not sure men really understand how off putting betrayal is for women, and how it flicks off a switch.

I'm now happily married to someone else, and we've been together for 14 years. Children are grown up and doing really well for themselves. They get on with my DH. No regrets.

The question is, can you leave? Why aren't you leaving or planning to? Have you looked at the finances?