Why did he ignore me, I feel devastated

[plumpeach2]

Sorry if I sound pathetic, I’m 3 months out of a relationship that in all honesty I thought I was going to be in forever.

For the most part, it was an extremely loving relationship. But my mental health was a bit all over the place due to various things. I guess it got to the point where he couldn’t take giving me constant reassurance etc, and we started bickering a fair bit about it. I became a bit much for him and he ended it in June. I never ever ever saw the day.

For the whole relationship he was besotted. He stood by me and supported me. We got on so well, had very similar personalities and interests, his family adored me, we were very sexual and intimate and I couldn’t imagine my life without him.
I moved into his parents house so we could save money. And 11 days later, he ended it.

So I was absolutely devastated and taken aback. Had to move back into my parents as I’d left my flat with my friend to move in with him.

Since then I’d barely heard a peep apart from about logistical things. It was nice and amicable though. I saw him out once lol and he gave me a huge hug and kiss on the forehead, and he said he’d always love me and care about me, but that he wasn’t in the headspace.

2 months later (in august), I felt in a better place and wrote him a really heartfelt letter.

I texted him to ask if he received it. He didn’t even open the message.
Now bearing in mind how absolutely besotted he was, (he told his mum “if she’s not the one I don’t know who is”) I was so shocked when he completely ignored me.

Finally last week, I decided to unfollow him on social media to help me heal. He unfollowed me about 30 minutes later (so he was watching). I then sent him another message to say no hard feelings, and he completely ignored me again. Nothing.

I just feel so completely devastated. I miss him everyday. I honestly don’t feel like I’ll ever find someone I had that connection with again. I can’t believe he’s completely ignored me.
How do I heal from this :(

I mean this kindly, but you really need some help getting over this.

I remember all of your previous threads, he has made it clear it’s over. It doesn’t matter what it was, this is what it is now.

Can you access counselling?

He is with someone else think you need to leave him alone tbh

What a weird uncaring message! Why bother commenting if you're just going to be abrupt to someone seeking support

Hi first of all I am sorry you are going through this. I am current going through the same with a break up which I think we partly due to my MH.

please do not blame yourself, I have done this and it really doesn’t help. The way I look at it is that my relationship didn’t work for a reason and there is something better out there for me.

im not saying go out there and meet someone else you should look after your own needs and concentrate on lifting yourself up. I know you are suffering but take one day at a time.

Im learning that learning to love yourself is a must.

Sending hugs

OP it sounds like this guys an arse and you deserve better. From the other comment I can see you've written other posts about him.

Trust me when I say, I've been where you are and it bloody hurts and it's all consuming. As tough as it is, the only thing that will heal is time and the only thing to make time go quicker is keeping busy. One day you'll look back at this and think wow what a bullet I dodged there.. I promise you. Anyone who would do this to you doesn't deserve your time or effort.

Sending hugs

Sadly, I think he was clear that he didn't want to be in the relationship any longer. He clearly tried to be kind at first, but it's obvious that you feel he's the love of your life and desperately want him back.

It's honestly kinder of him to not acknowledge your messages, rather than to give you false hope.

Because op needs to stop, it’s bordering on harassment now if this was a man people wouldn’t be so understanding.

I agree.

@Wowzers12 i suggest you maybe read the OPs many other threads about this relationship.

Im sorry you’re struggling, I really am, but you are preventing yourself from moving on by obsessing over him.

Its over. That’s it.

You need to move on and leave him alone now. You'll get over it in time.

What a weird uncaring message! Why bother commenting if you're just going to be abrupt to someone seeking support

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the advice!

People communicate differently. Some people are gushy and (they would say) caring, and some people are straightforward and to the point. Have a little empathy that not everybody will say things in the same way as you would.

This.

OP, I believe you want him back, but he's letting you know loud and clear that he's over it and moving on. And he is doing you a favor by not replying, I've been here and done this before. The less contact you have the easier it will be for you to move on with your life.

I actually had an ex that would continue to contact me after he ended things and every time he did it was like reopening a wound that had started to heal. I finally had to tell him that although I would love to be friends, it was too hard on me and I couldn't move on staying in contact. So I blocked him for about 6 months. After I blocked him he contacted me and I thankfully felt nothing, not hope or sadness, I felt very neutral about him. So having no contact was the best for me.

@YoSofi I have searched their name but can't see any posts. How else do you search someone's posts on here?

I think the OP may have name changed since previous posts about this relationship

OP, you have posted so much about this. He has made his decision and it is over. Don’t contact him again, it only makes things worse.
Maybe look into some counselling into finding the tools needed to move on. That said, I remember the pain of a failed relationship, It sucks but no point beating a dead horse. The first stage is acceptance.

I tend to agree with this.

When a relationship has been ended by your XP, the urge to understand, explain, talk, get to the bottom of the almost endless 'why' can be overwhelming.

But it doesn't help.

Not in the slightest.

And indeed it can lock you in the past, which is not good for you.

He didn't reply because he is no longer interested in what you have to say.

He probably got a pop up saying you'd unfollowed him, and thought 'oh yes what a good idea'

You need to learn to note when you are thinking about him, acknowledge it, and then deliberately turn your thoughts to something else.

What else have you got going on in your life? That's what you need to be paying attention to, thinking about, planning, and expanding

I'm sorry but he's doing the right thing in not responding. It would be so much harder for you if he did

You need to stop messaging him

I disagree with OP who says he’s an arse. Sorry OP.

He can’t cope with your mental health issues, and it’s not fair to expect him to.

If you haven’t already, get help for your problems so that you don’t suffocate future partners. I wish you the best of life x

Baby you have to go no contact
delete
burn
get rid of any single link to him

i mean is , as otherwise you will prolong this pain

it’s sadly over
your heartbroken
but you have not other option than to keep living

I’ve just ended with someone who in my opinion took their problems out on me
don’t be that person , try to get yourself better on your own

I know it’s very easy to say

'He didn't reply because he is no longer interested in what you have to say'.

This is the most sensible thing I have read in a long time. I will try and remember it when I get ignored.

Perfect advice. He isn’t being cruel - it was amicable and although he is the love of your life, sadly you’re not his. In the kindest way possible leave the guy alone x

Well clearly he was a fake with emotional instability (not saying you are perfect yourself, no one ever is).
You absolutely have to realise it’s completely over and you’re self harming trying to think about what happened. It’s just over. Block him all over and take care of yourself.

Hi OP, I'm not familiar with your other threads but from what you've said here it's clear it's over and you have to leave him alone.

You said yourself you asked a lot of him in terms of support. That was probably very clear to his parents when you both lived there and they may have been concerned about him. He is entitled to a happy life too, he's not here to simply reassure you. Let him go.

I remember your other threads with a different name OP. Please take on board what many of us have said and seek some counselling.

Your emotional response to this and refusal to accept and grieve is so unhealthy and hugely damaging your mental health and wellbeing.

Your contact with him is verging on harassment as he's made it very clear he doesn't want contact.

Being on the receiving end of that is very unsettling and all you're doing is upsetting yourself as you feel rejected, and causing him anxiety as he feels you won't accept his decision which has been very clear.

Please be kind to yourself and seek some professional help so you can heal

Your ex is awful; his behaviour is not normal and not OK. He encouraged you to move out of a stable living situation to move in with him and ELEVEN DAYS LATER he broke up with you? Oh, hell no, bro.

Either he was having serious doubts before you moved in (in which case he should have told you he wasn't comfortable going ahead with living together yet BEFORE you gave up your place) or he treated the relationship so trivially that he broke up on a whim.

I understand you still have feelings for this person. You can't turn your emotions on and off like a tap. But please understand that he's not a good person, he did not have your best interests in mind as someone would with someone they loved and saw as a (potential) life partner. And if you need help realising that and moving on, make it a priority (I know it's not easy in the current environment) to get it.

OP I too remember your other posts. You need to get some healthy self esteem.
Can you spend time with friends?
Even just get to the cinema and drown out the thoughts for a few hours?