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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Going through a tough break

6 replies

Freddie321 · 30/09/2022 09:27

Hiya I really need advice.
So me and my partner have been together for about 7 years now. We have a 6 year old daughter together and a mortgage together. Our relationship has never been the typical loving intimate relationship, only at the start (honeymoon period). We have recently had a bad argument resulting in being on a break.

He wants to be on a break instead of break up and think oh what if I've made a mistake. I asked how long is this break, he doesn't know. I've asked if he wants to make this work and he's said that if we try again he feels it would be fake. I'm expressing how I want to get us back on track and he just says oh don't say that your making me feel bad. I swear he wants my feelings for him to be neutral same as him, so we're on the same page. He's been talking to an American woman, who has two kids and a husband but they're not working out. My partner claims there's nothing going on and they're just friends as he has none in this country.... he even went over there to visit her in american and sign see. I agreed to it to shut him up but I was never 100% about it. Do you think I should just move on and find happiness or wait it out with this "break". He is still talking to this woman and has no intentions of stopping.

OP posts:
WhoppingBigBackside · 30/09/2022 10:58

You need a complete break from him. Only make/accept contact regarding your DC and any legal or financial matters.

YoSofi · 30/09/2022 11:11

He’s keeping you hanging while he fucks around with other women.

End it for good and find someone who deserves you.

Freddie321 · 30/09/2022 12:02

Thankyou guys appreciate your comments

OP posts:
oobeedoobee · 30/09/2022 15:39

Yeah, he simply wants to be able to fuck around, and have the defense 'we were on a break' 🙄While keeping you 'in reserve' in case it doesn't work out for him or he gets cold feet ! 😡Wanker !

Tell him that you're done with his 'wishy washy shite' and are making a complete, 100% total split. It's no longer up for any kind of 'debate', you've made your decision, and he has zero choice anymore.

Tell him you will communicate only about child access and will be claiming child support etc asap. You'll also need him to move out and the house will be put on the market so that you can both move on with your lives.

Dery · 30/09/2022 17:28

If you’ve been together 7 years and have a 6 year old and a relationship that was only good at the beginning, it sounds like the pregnancy happened very early on and , but for your child, you would have split long ago. He’s made clear he wants to fuck other women but keep you in reserve in case it doesn’t work out. So it sounds like your relationship is over.

Being on a break doesn’t automatically mean he gets to come back. Even if you call it being on a break, if and when he’s ready to come back, you can say that you’ve discovered that being on a break from him suits you so you’re making it permanent. So if it suits you right now to let him think you’re just on a break rather than completely broken up, then let him think it. Use that time to get your ducks in a row.

Freddie321 · 01/10/2022 15:33

Thankyou for all your opinions. I think I'm just going to drag this out and play along with his "break" idea till after Christmas and then get the ball rolling with the sale of this house. He's been staying at his mums since last Friday as he has no we're else to go. In the meantime I will carry on letting him pay the mortgage and bills whilst I live here gaining from it and he stays at his mums paying out for somewhere he doesn't live atm.

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