Got myself into a complicated situation

[BagOChips]

I’ve had a fwb arrangement with someone for a few years. We have kind of let people assume we were bf/gf because it’s easier with family etc than explaining it’s just sex. My family are quite traditional and would definitely judge me for not having a “proper” relationship.

anyway, I got fed up of casual sex and wanted a more meaningful relationship. I’ve met someone who I think I could have this with. Now my problem is how do I suddenly switch from having a “bf” of a couple of years to being with someone new?

I know my family is too involved in my personal life and that is a problem but I feel like it’ll either be assumed I have cheated or just jumped straight into bed with someone new.

Just say he wasn't right for you and that you were looking for a more serious relationship than he was. Are they going to bump into him?

I think with a fwb, no one needs to know it’s just sex. I had one, if anyone asked he was just a friend. Some people asked if it was more and I said no. I didn’t introduce him to family or anything. If you go down the route of inviting them to all sorts and appearing as a couple, then you are a couple. Not fwb.

So treat it like you would if you stopped being in a relationship with one person and started a relationship with another. Tell them it didn’t work out and you have met someone else. The new person won’t be introduced to them for a while, so no need for them to know the exact timeline.

So what if your family judge you? I would not allow someone else so much control over my life. How much time do you think they would find it acceptable for you to be in a new relationship?

I'd just say it didnt work out. This is your life. Don't live it by the rules of others

Tell them it didn't work out with the guy they think is your bf, but let them know you're feeling fine about it.

Nothing has happened with the new prospect, why do you need to tell them anything about that?

My family are a bit like yours. Just tell them you've split with X as it wasn't working out. Don't tell them about Y until you're sure that it's going to become a proper relationship. Hope things with your new man work out how you want.

Missing the point entirely, but why introduce a fwb to your family? As someone else upthread has said, if you are going to places and appearing as a couple it's not really fwb, though it might only be a very casual relationship.

Just tell family it didn't work out. If things are not really off the ground with the new bloke anyway it will surely be a while before they meet him yet. Even if they do think you've jumped straight from one relationship to another, does it matter? It happens.

Honestly I was like you. My family had too much input in my life even in adulthood and because that’s how they’d been all my life I felt I had to run everything by them before making a decision on anything. I felt like I had to tip toe around them where boyfriends were concerned. It’s extremely controlling in a way and once I realised that I should not have to answer to my family in my mid thirties my life improved so much. I make all decisions myself now and I do not care what my family think.

This is your life so take the bull by its horns and do whatever you want to do and see whoever you want to see. Nobody should be judging you about your choices. It’s your life!

I know it's too late now but I think it's safer to introduce a FWB as a friend not a boyfriend...
Just go for a version of the truth? You are looking for a serious relationship, FWB not ready to commit, you have amicably gone separate ways. Then wait a little before introducing new one.

And work on keeping family a bit further out of your private life 😊

It's not complicated. Stop telling them too much stuff. Tell them you met someone else so you split up. That's it.

Why does that look complicated to you?

I'd tell them you broke up with fwb as you want different things (that's true),

I assume you'd wait a few months before introducing a new partner to your family anyway? If so, what's the issue?

The part I find really weird is that your family knew/met your fwb as your bf. Typically fwb's are kept separate and you you'll only tell people you were comfortable with knowing you had a fwb

Does your fwb know youve met someone new?

"X and I decided to break up. The reasons are private. Now I'm with Y."