Lonely Aussie Mum in Clapham

[Justine888]

Hi, we moved here in April 2007. I am a SAHM with a son in school and a daughter at home with me. I am yet to find a friend - not even the Mums at school are friendly - cliquey. Im getting desterate and depressed about it all. Any tips/advice would be appreciated or if you know any friendly Aussie Mums out there in the same position, let me know. PLEEEEASE!

will she sleep in her buggy? if so i'd say bring her along, leave her asleep, get yourself a cup of tea and get chatting while you don't have to chase her!

Hi Justine888, if you are interested in meeting other Aussies/Kiwis/Saffas try gumtree dot com - this is a good backpackers/travellers site but I've made a lot of friends on it since I moved from Queensland 5 1/2 years ago (blimey - I've just realised that's a long time!).

bossykate - I might just have to take her anyway and see how big a tantrum she throughs. Its very unlikely that she will sleep in the buggy but she may well behave herself and sleep on the walk home which wont be so bad.
I'll give it a go next week.
nettiehay - hi, yes, I have heard of gumtree. I figured the average aussie over here is about 25 y.o. so being 35 y.o., I wouldnt find much for me but I will check it out.
I went to the local 1 o'clock club today. I didnt chat to anyone. The women that were chatting had known each other for some time it seemed. I think I'll have to just keep popping our heads in there so that I might become a "known" face. Here's hoping that'll work anyway... god it's a drag having to try this hard.....

It is SUCH hard work having to go back to making friends and meeting people, I felt sometimes it was like being back in the playground, and asking people if I could join in their games. But, the upside is, that you only need to make a couple of friends to make the difference, and then through them you'll meet new people and so on.

I won't be at the Wednesday group next week but I'll definately be at the Thursday one so maybe see you there or CAT me if you wanna meet another time for a coffee. Clapham Common Bandstand cafe?

Peasoup,
Im gonna give Thursday play group a go as Clapham Old town is the closest to me.
Looking forward to meeting you and some other friendly gals. There may be light at the end of my tunnel! Yippee!
Thanks for all your help,
Justine
PS. I cant CAT as I havnt pulled my finger out with the credit card sign up (and it's now 9.48 pm and Im off to bed). If you want, my email address is justineinlondon at hotmail dot com (no spaces in the justine bit).
Cheers!

Hi Justine...
I know exactly what you mean about clicky mums,in this area!!
Do you know about surestart? they have various mother and baby groups going on throughout the week.. its in Battersea, is that too far?
I need to take the children to the 1'o'clock club more often,they love it there, so if you fancy meeting up,then maybe going for a coffee after, let me know...

Justine I feel your pain!!

Don't really know what to suggest, whilst you might meet someone to recognise and smile at by hanging around in all these places how many people on here have actually found any 'good' friends by going to the 1 0'clock clubs?!!!
My take on all of this is monkey music is c%^p the best is tin pan annie there's some in the Church on the ASDA side of the common(but didn't make any friends there) the best 1 0 clock club is Wandsworth common (ditto) I believe the Ramsden Road toddler group has a waiting list!( maybe more like a membership list?!)
Although I do feel your pain (and contrary to the impression I'm giving right now I am actually a nice friendly person ) I've kind of solved the problem but spending every waking minute at work!! (otherwise I'd love to meet you for a coffee!)

London is a bummer for meeting people. We are all ingrained not to make eye contact. Grim. Made me quite miserable when I came down from the North of England cos folks up there actually smile and talk to each other. The best Mum friend i made when moving to this area with a toddler a year ago was an Aussie, funnily enough. Anyway she buggered off back to Oz three months ago

peasoup
I agree, it feels so strange (and nice) when you go elsewhere and people actually talk to you!

I have actually heard that the cold reception I am getting from other women is a London phenomenon. I am told once you get out of London that people are quite friendly.
Let me tell you this awful thing that happened to me today though (cringe). A mother of one of the kids in my class actually said hello to me whilst waiting outside the school inline to pick up our kids today. I had met this women before and said hello on a few other occasions. She asked me when we arrived in the Uk and I said April 2007. She said, "Have you settled in ok? Made friends?". Just the mear mention of that set me off. I was trying to answer and not get upset. I said,"well, yes, my husband has a good job and my son has settled in at school and the house we are renting is very nice but Im struggling a bit to make friends". With than I looked down at the ground and wrestled with the tears that wanted to come spilling out. Anyway, she said "Are you? Why?" F**K ME (as they say in Australia)!!!!!!! I said, "sorry, Im trying not to get emotional here and cry..."
Anyway, with that the women gave me this horrified look and said "Well dont. Lets not talk about it. Sorry to have upset you".
Utter humilation and embarressment engulfed me cos I could see how freaked out she was. This freaked me out. I wasnt crying, her shock/horror sure snapped me out of that one so I have that to be grateful for. I said, "No, you havent upset me. Its not your fault. Im just missing my Mum and sister a bit and Im probably PMT'ing".
Anyway, with that, the gates of the school opened up for all of us to go collect out children. She could be a contender for the 400 sprint in the London 2012 Olympics! She ran away all the while looking for another "safe" Mum to look busy speaking to so I wouldnt go near her and just stay away from her.
I picked up my son and got the hell out of there.
Truly, Ive thought of nothing else since it happened. Im so embarressed. Not because I nearly had a cry in front of someone but because of how freaked out I made her feel and her reaction. Im sure I will be forever known to her as that mad Australian women. She's probably telling her husband now what an awful day she's had because of it.
Gimmie Strength!
Im really not a nut case. Its just that her questions hit on a raw nerve. The irony of an unfriendly yummie mummie asking me if Ive made any friends yet and then me welling up and her running a mad dash when I basically said "no" is not lost on me.
Maybe if I'd said "Yes, a tonne of them actually" she might have asked me out for coffee at Starbucks?
This is worse than dating guys when I was single. I think Im beginning to understand men a little better when they complain they'll never understand women. Ive never come across this breed of women before. I dont undertsand a single thing thats going on in my little life at the moment but I sure know it sucks.
Anyway... Ive taken up to much whinge space already! Im over myself!
Love,
The mad australian women!

oh at the stupid yummy mummy by the playground. Poor you. I so so know how you feel, and it is awful - I felt like I was six again. You will find friends, and I'm sure there are plenty of people just as keen to make friends, you just have to learn to spot them. I made some of my friends in the oddest of places, like always seeing them in the street near our house at the same time, and eventually having a chat.

Does anyone at your DH's work have a wife with similar age children you could just see for a sanity saving coffee. There's no magic recipe to making friends (although I think the PTA is a good idea) I'm afraid. Also, although they can be cliquey too, often nannies can be more friendly in London (usually because they aren't english...) Not sure how you find a nanny to make friends with, but you know what I mean!

Well you were unlucky there Justine because not all school gate/London mums are like that, I promise you .
Hope you find some good ideas and venues to try on this thread. I am over in a corner of outer SE London where we like to hunt offcomers down with flaming torches and pitchforks I sometimes think
Can vouch for bossykate being a real person and not a hairy trucker btw - and am also hoping one Legalalien sees your thread as she is not disimilarly placed

Bloody hell that's outrageous. What a shallow cow to ask if you're ok then run away when you say you're not!! How bizarre. But I do find London abit like that. Years ago when i lived in the North of England and I did an evening class, at the first tea break everyone sat round chatting and making friends and swapping numbers. Then a few months later I came down to London to do a full time course at college and about 7 months later I still hadn't spoken to anyone beyond really shallow stuff and hadn't got anyones's number!! I was so miserable. I couldn't suss it out. I'd ask someone if they wanted to go to the cafe together and they'd look so freaked out like I was so bloody FORWARD! It really struck me how messed up it was when I had toothache one week and was too bloody miserable to bother trying to talk to the unsociable F**ers so i was just being really short with people and walking round looking really fierce and unfriendly and for God's sake I got asked out to the pub!! How mad is that? It's like you have to play hard to get or something. I get what you say about dating guys. Anyway see you Thu I hope.

justine, what a horrid woman. silly cow. i can't this week, but hope i might be able to meet you for a coffee after school drop-off one day next week if you would like.

anyway, how about this. pick one person from your son's class tomorrow who you've nodded with before. nail a smile on, go up and say hello and say you've been dying to ask her for a coffee for ages and would she like to go for a quick coffee now? if she says no - say very sincerely (sounding) what a shame, maybe some other time? (smile still nailed on). then the next day do it with someone else, and the next day someone else. yes, you will need to develop the hide of an elephant but you only need to meet one nice person who might then introduce you to others etc.

i'm sorry about that daft woman today. put her out of your mind. daft bat.

Oh, bloody hell, Justine, you poor thing! I'm really sorry about the school gate woman.
How old is your little boy? I'm not far from Clapham, and could easily arrange a weekend park meet-up with my DS sometime. I'm not around in the wek - DS at school, me at work. BossyKate's DS is the same age.

And....you could start a thread in 'Meet-Ups' and put out a call for a MN meet-up for Clapham and surrounding areas? On a weekday during the day for people in your situation?

or another thing...

organise a "yr 1 parents' social" in the evening at a local pub or wine bar - you can advertise in the school newsletter or ask the staff to put invitations in the book bags...

or a coffee morning... personally i would go for the evening option as i prefer the social lubrication offered by copious amounts of wine

Thanks for the tea and sympathy. It truly was a mental moment - on my part for nearly losing it and then her reaction.
bossykate - thanks for the idea about tracking everyone down and asking them all to go for coffee with a maniacle grin on my face. As much as I'd really like them to experience the full wrath of my mental instability, I dont think they'd be too receptive. Im not being a defeatist or a pesimist. I just know these broads.....maybe if I hadnt had so many knocks already I'd give it a go... for the moment I'll stick to next weeks PTA (softly, softly)and Thursdays Play Group. The alcohol evening sounds good and I have been to one of them and it did give me some hope that relations would continue outside of the pre-xmas drinks night but once everone sobered up, so did their personalities. Its not all about these women at my sons school. I feel Im genralising a bit and probably giving them a hard time (verbally). It'll get better. This site has been a big help. Ive got a few things organised for myself this week. Everyone knows Im a desperate and a sad case and some still want to meet up so it cant be all that bad (haha).

Hello, would be up for a meet as Clapham Old Town is not far from me (Streatham Hill), I have a 16 m/o son but I work full time so only around at weekends sorry

Oh Dear - sorry to hear that people aren't being that friendly !!
I am based in E Dulwich and have 2 little girls, 16 months and 3 months but would be up for meeting up as don't mind driving.

Hi Justine, doesn't sound like you've had the best introduction to London mummies. I know what you mean about the clicky-ness! its easy to feel very different from those you meet.

I'm in Clapham Old town with a 4yr old dd1 (at nursery in the mornings) and a 15 month old dd2, and would love to meet up! (I'm not aussie btw!)

Could you make it to Starbucks in Old town one morning, followed by a play in Grafton Sq? (btw, Grafton Sq is a great little playground for meeting people!) I have to be home for 11ish for dd2's sleep!

Let me know if you want info on the area, we've been here for ages!!!!!

Sorry to hear things are crap Justine, I'm just up the road from you and would love the excuse to wander around the poncy Northcote Road shops

Hi Justine, I have been reading all the messages on your thread and just felt i needed to say how sorry i am that you are finding it hard to settle in London.

I have never been to Australia but have relatives who are from and live in Perth so i know how friendly and bubbly you aussie's are.

I live miles away up North so would prob finding meeting up a struggle. (would be a long train journey).

Sorry i've been no help at all. I'm sure you will find friends soon. Maybe don't try so hard. As for the sour faced b#t#h outside school, oh my god don't let her reaction bother you at all. I,m sure you would'nt want to be friends with someone like that anyway.

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