OLD question...arranging dates

[BigEnergy]

...And then ghosting/unmatching before the date! What is all that about? Does it happen to all you other online daters too?

I really don't see the point of these men investing the energy to chat and make a connection, ask me out, plan it all and then simply vanish. If they are busy with other dates, why not rearrange? If you don't want to meet at all, why go to the bother to match and ask me out? I'm just wondering what other experiences are really as it's something I have never done.

I don't match with people that often and when I do like to have just a few chats before arranging a date, I prefer sooner rather than later. Recently I've had 2 potentials who have chatted with me for a week or so, good messaging patterns, then they've arranged a date with me and then after a couple more messages (totally normal, inoffensive talk) just deleted profiles, blocked or unmatched me. Is there some kind of reason behind this? I don't take it to heart as I don't get invested whatsoever, but am curious if it's all just an ego boost for them, or is it down to nerves, laziness, or whatever.

Yes - they’re married/partnered, found someone quicker, have progressed to 2nd/3rd dates with others they’ve met on the app, catfishing… endless list really.

You need a thick skin for OLD - it’s literally swamped with options for everyone and I always found it builds a false sense of intimacy because it’s just exchanging messages, literally takes seconds. There’s no investment on the side of people who talk to numerous people numerous times a fay

I've been OLD for quite a while and not noticed this before. Usually people just make a date and that's that. But I've had those 2 both within a few weeks so wondered if it was a newish thing or I've just been lucky so far. I suppose it's behaviour I can't really fathom!

I suppose you don’t need to fathom it, you don’t really know these people, as I said it’s a false intimacy with instant messaging. OLD is a very detached way to meet people.

Women are guilty of this too

No I know I don't need to understand it, but I am interested by it and if anyone here does it would be interested in their reasons. To me the interest level has to be quite high to bother arranging a date, so it's odd to me someone puts in all the effort for ultimately nothing. I have a lot of dates and just schedule them accordingly, or let them know rather than vanishing on people if I'm more interested in someone else and want to cancel the date.

@TobyEsterhase thanks I didn't assume it was just a man thing. I don't arrange dates with women so didn't know from that perspective. It's just an element of OLD that doesn't make much sense!

i know loads of people who’ve arranged dates with people on tinder before and then either deleted the app or just unmatched them. Could be any number of reasons, like I said above. I’ve used tinder in the past for an ego boost, not a nice thing to do but there you go.

I don’t agree interest has to be high to arrange a date on dating apps… that’s what they’re for, to get a date, that’s why I mentioned false intimacy after a few message exchanges - people feel like they don’t need to explain why they don’t want to go on a date anymore - it’s literally a game to some people.