What should I do?

[Crazybusy1983]

My DH and I have been together for 18years, he has adhd and mental health problems so our marriage has been a rollercoaster due to his behaviour and attitude, lately we are not getting on at all, we barely speak and spend evenings after work separately, no arguments but no conversations either, we have DC 15,12&9 and I feel that the atmosphere in the house is starting to affect them, recently I have lost weight (3stone) and my husband is adamant I’m having an affair (I’m not) he’s paranoid asking questions about what I’m wearing, where I’m going (only go to work&gym) and tracks me on my phone and ring doorbell, I also earn more money than him as I work a lot more hours so he is leaving me to pay more than my fair share and I also do more childcare and 90% chores, my question is do I just give up on the marriage as I honestly think it’ll make my life a whole lot easier but I do love him and have put up with this behaviour for a long time why not just carry on 😣

Yes end the marriage. He’s abusive and you’ve put up with it for far too long.

And don’t keep co-creating such a toxic environment for your DC.

You can do it. Good luck.

Do you want your kids to learn that this is what love looks like?

What do you love?
The man or the familiarity?

If you love him because you used to get on really well & he makes you laugh, and the word stalking and being a lazy arse is a recent thing then it might be worth talking, getting some counseling etc.

If he's always been awful & you're just sick & tired of the same old shit, then it's time to be really brave & reclaim your life.

Don’t carry on, you’ll hate yourself in years to come that you wasted your life. In fact you probably won’t be able to carry on, soon or later the resentment will fester and you will grow to dislike him. Don’t be me.

You can try being very blunt with him, and explain you are thinking of divorce. It may be enough for him to pull up his socks. Try relationship counselling.

You can decide to divorce now. It sounds like it would only make your life better.

Or you can plan to divorce in x years time. Gives you an opportunity to get things in better order for the eventual split.

I left it too long, and have spent at least the last few years faking it. The result is I don’t even like my husband anymore. We have decided to divorce, but he feels that I have thrown a bomb into his retirement plans. I wonder if we could be more amicable if I actually liked him. I should have been honest about my unhappiness earlier. He is very antagonistic towards me and it might be because this is who he is (and the reason I kept quiet), but I also suspect his ego can’t help being hurt because he knows I just don’t care for him anymore.

I tell you this, because I think this will be your future if you don’t act sooner than later, so don’t carry on.