Mother in Law

[clairejnelly99]

Hi everyone

I'd love some advice. My MIL currently has my 21 month old on Wednesday afternoons. She goes to nursery in a morning and they pick her up. We are however still paying for nursery in the afternoon as we don't want to cancel it unless it becomes more of a commitment, which atm I don't think it is.. as she will cancel for things like a hair appointment etc. which is fine we just put her in nursery, but it's a waste when we aren't.

Anyways, there always seems to be issues when we collect her like she doesn't sleep well that night, her eczema flaring up, hasn't had a sleep... etc and then last night she sent us a text at 6.20 saying she's fast asleep as she hadn't managed to get her a nap in the day.

I've just given birth to my little boy and he's 5 days old. We have said before sometimes she won't sleep in day but if that's the case we need to keep her awake. She said she would have her overnight but i hadn't seen her for 5 days as when I was giving birth she was at my parents. So I got emotional and asked for them to bring her home and explained if she's asleep now then she will be wide awake at 3-4am!

They brought her home and I noticed she was in new pjs and this morning her eczema has flared up and she's been itching that much she's bled. I have told them before that any new clothes need washing and she shrugged it off and I remember her telling me she didn't think that would case it and I said it was the starch. Anyways here we are!

Also mentioned last time (2 weeks ago) to let us give her a night time bottle when they drop her off at 7pm, as she doesn't go bed until 8/8.30 so she will want another.. but they must have forgot and gave her one.

There's just lots of niggly things and being hormonal I'm just like let's just put her in nursery for the afternoon as it will be easier.

Approaching it with her is hard as she's sensitive and will feel like she can't do anything right.

Any advice?

Simply keep her at nursery.

To be a bit blunt, they cause your Dc pain by not listening- "Bled due to a flare up "as they didnt listen multiple times, Once wouldve been enough for me!
If they ask, tell them this.

Keep her in nursery and only use them in an emergency.

You're already paying for the nursery in the afternoon and MIL is not reliable childcare in any sense of the word. Your partner (not you, for christ sake, not you!) needs to tell his mother that the current set up isn't working and your kid will be going back to nursery full time. I know it will probably cause upset feelings, but you just can't have unreliable childcare. And your MIL childcare is costing you the afternoon fee you'd pay a professional, but with absolutely none of the professional benefits. She doesn't believe you about the eczema thing so she just doesn't listen and now your child has broken, bleeding skin. That will happen again, bc it's not about the eczema, it's about her disrespect for you as parents. She knows best. It's a no from me. Sorry but there are no magic words that will make this easy, you and your partner just have to step up.

Save yourself the stress and keep her in nursery. They aren't doing you any favours.

Maybe drop this weekly commitment it seems disruptive for you and maybe change to a few overnights instead .
You will need her support now you have tiny one and she sounds caring .
She needs to know that the eczema precautions are real but try and be kind with her
At 2.5 her dropping daytime sleeps and changing routine to earlier bedtime is normal you may need to be less rigid

What Eatingjumper wrote.

Your MIL is not reliable at all in terms of childcare because it’s her way only. You both are going to have to step up here, particularly him because this is his mother. What does he think of her behaviour?. He is key here.

I’d just keep her in nursery and let your DP explain why; whether that’s explaining the exact reason or whatever he wants to say.
Ive recently had my mil overstep the boundaries in a massive way and in retrospect when she was doing little things we should have been more hard faced about it as we let her get away with a lot so she just carried it on with what she thought was best

Keep her in nursery all day. Mother in law can see her at the weekend.