Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Online dating question

26 replies

Sweethomey · 28/09/2022 20:52

I went on a second date with a guy last night. No talk of meeting up again. He seemed quite disinterested in the first part of the date then became warmer towards the end, kissed my cheeks, and asked me to let him know I got home safely, which I did, and we exchanged a few jokey msgs. No talk of meeting up again although earlier in date he said 'if i pass your screening' and he said 'you can get the drinks next time' but he didn't say it enthusiastically or by making any plans. I haven't heard from him today. It all seems quite lukewarm? Surely a guy says 'I enjoyed the date, can we do it again' or 'I had a great time, I will call you' ? Or at least message the next day and arrange something?

OP posts:
Cloverforever · 28/09/2022 20:55

Have you messaged him? Why is it up to him?

BayandBlonde · 28/09/2022 20:56

And you can't say the same because????

Original poster
Sweethomey · 28/09/2022 20:57

Yes I did message him last. And I took initiative for the second date. I'd like more effort from him. As I really don't know if he likes me or not.

OP posts:
minticecreamisjustok · 28/09/2022 21:15

Surely a guy says 'I enjoyed the date, can we do it again' or 'I had a great time, I will call you' ? Or at least message the next day and arrange something?

Only if he's interested, nothing about this date sounds like he was into you.
It seems very obvious but to you, sorry but look to the next one.

ChutneyVirgin · 28/09/2022 21:16

Sweethomey · 28/09/2022 20:57

Yes I did message him last. And I took initiative for the second date. I'd like more effort from him. As I really don't know if he likes me or not.

He doesn’t. He knows where you are

ilikesmoothies · 28/09/2022 21:51

No hard and fast rules but it seems like the done thing these days is to NOT exchange the polite messages after the first few dates. Was surprising to me also.

The disinterest on the date at the start could just be nerves/awkwardness. For me personally though I would have liked to have smooched on the first date but definitely on second or things would be quickly entering friends-only territory. But you set your own rules on this :)

I will say that you seem like someone who prefers the guy to be assertive, and analyses a lot (not a personal attack). The guy could just be less assertive and prefer you to take the initiative, is he shy? But if this is the case, then perhaps you aren't the best fit anyway because there are some women who this wouldn't even phase and they would just text the man to make plans and wouldn't mind leading a bit. Again, not judging or saying either approach is wrong, just that you may not be well suited.

Whoevenknows79 · 28/09/2022 22:44

If he is interested he will be in touch. You already arranged the second date. Leave the ball in his court.

easylikeasundaymorning · 28/09/2022 22:50

Agree with others if you arranged the second date let him sort this one.
From my online dating experience If you're having to ask yourself (or on here) if he's interested chances are he's not. That comes across very blunt but I think most men will usually be asking when you're next free to meet up either during the date itself or at least within a short time span afterwards.

Daydreamscometrue · 29/09/2022 06:48

minticecreamisjustok · 28/09/2022 21:15

Surely a guy says 'I enjoyed the date, can we do it again' or 'I had a great time, I will call you' ? Or at least message the next day and arrange something?

Only if he's interested, nothing about this date sounds like he was into you.
It seems very obvious but to you, sorry but look to the next one.

I've had countless dates like this where they have been so positive during the date, lots of kisses and talk of meeting again. The next day nothing. I've often messaged only to be ignored or have lukewarm replies and then eventually the brush off. If he's interested then you will know.

minticecreamisjustok · 29/09/2022 08:50

@Daydreamscometrue
Except on this date, he wasn't positive.

forgotoldusername · 29/09/2022 09:44

@Sweethomey I'm an experienced dater (now met someone). I had something like 200 dates. The interested ones will ask you out straight away - none of this "why don't you ask" etc? And even shy men are not shy when it comes to asking someone out. Don't waste your time on this one and keep dating, you'll find one who really likes you and then it will be sooo obvious

Original poster
Sweethomey · 29/09/2022 22:20

So he messaged last night to wish me luck with something today. I was too tired to reply and fell asleep. Then he followed up tonight asking how it went and being very positive about it. But he hasn't given me anything to reply to. So I've left it again. No talk of meeting up whatsoever. It's so unbelievably boring. He's not interested - probably keeping me as a back up option!

OP posts:
Honeylover333 · 29/09/2022 22:38

Sweethomey · 29/09/2022 22:20

So he messaged last night to wish me luck with something today. I was too tired to reply and fell asleep. Then he followed up tonight asking how it went and being very positive about it. But he hasn't given me anything to reply to. So I've left it again. No talk of meeting up whatsoever. It's so unbelievably boring. He's not interested - probably keeping me as a back up option!

Then he followed up tonight asking how it went and being very positive about it. But he hasn't given me anything to reply to

Er, he asked you a question about something you did today, which was important enough to wish you luck for!

Original poster
Sweethomey · 29/09/2022 22:48

Yes, and I replied...and he responded with statements, no question, and no substance. And he still hasn't asked me out...it's been two days since our last date...

OP posts:
writergirl007 · 29/09/2022 23:37

Just ask him if he wants to meet again.

If he likes you and wants to see you again, you suggesting meeting won't make him unlike you (it you see what I mean).

If he doesn't want to meet, you'll get your answer.

Original poster
Sweethomey · 30/09/2022 11:17

I asked him last time though
it’s his turn
third day now he should have said he’d like to see me

OP posts:
Namechanged454 · 30/09/2022 11:49

The last first date I went on (with my now boyfriend of 18m)...he called me 10 minutes after our date and we spoke until bed time 🤣. There was never any games or wondering whether we liked each other which was quite different from other dates. It was refreshing to have someone just tell you how they were feeling. Id hold out for someone that lets you know they're interested!

Watchkeys · 30/09/2022 12:14

It's so unbelievably boring

Why are you bothered whether he's interested in you? You're not interested in him.

Would you really want something long term, or even a series of dates, with someone you find boring, even having only met them once? Why?

Why aren't you waiting for someone who fascinates you and is fascinated by you?

Poppins88 · 30/09/2022 12:40

forgotoldusername · 29/09/2022 09:44

@Sweethomey I'm an experienced dater (now met someone). I had something like 200 dates. The interested ones will ask you out straight away - none of this "why don't you ask" etc? And even shy men are not shy when it comes to asking someone out. Don't waste your time on this one and keep dating, you'll find one who really likes you and then it will be sooo obvious

This 100%

Lovemusic33 · 30/09/2022 12:50

If conversation isn’t easy then he’s not the one.

As others have said, you will probably date many people before you find anyone worth taking it further with, sadly that’s how online dating works. I have been doing it for years, met a few nice guys but for whatever reason there hasn’t been a mutual attraction. I have also had my number of awful dates, been ghosted, love bombed, stalked…it’s pretty tedious.

EfficientDynamics · 30/09/2022 13:07

If you're having to ask these questions so early on then I think you need to just forget it

Original poster
Sweethomey · 30/09/2022 18:28

We've messaged all day today, and spoke about the date, and he said he had a nice time. Perfect time to say he would like to see me again. Nothing. I said have a nice weekend and good travels, as he was due to travel on Sunday. He replied thanks, I am actually travelling on Monday, back Tuesday. That's it. Still no mention of meeting up. My guess is he is dating someone else tonight or tomorrow and will see how that goes before asking me out again. Or he's taken! So goodbye to him now.

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 01/10/2022 13:32
Watchkeys · 01/10/2022 13:34

My guess is he is dating someone else tonight or tomorrow and will see how that goes before asking me out again. Or he's taken

Why won't you allow the concept that he just doesn't really like you that much? Why does there have to be someone else? It's very clear that he's giving 'I'm not that bothered' signs to you, there's nothing ambiguous here. Do you think that if there's nobody else, there's no reason he wouldn't want to see you again?

Original poster
Sweethomey · 01/10/2022 14:46

Because he keeps messaging me! When I don’t reply, he follows up. He had a nice time etc. If he didn’t like me, why bother? I’m going to block him.

OP posts: