AIBU he won't sleepover

[Molly2008]

So divorced mum of 2 who live with me 80% of the time. New partner never married no kids of 18 months been friends for over 5 years previously doesn't feel comfortable sleeping over.

AIBU to expect this after 18 months and think that if he doesn't want to by now he probably never will?

Do I accept that this lovely man is great but only really wants a weekend gf??

What reasons has he given?

Have you ever gone away overnight with him, or slept at his?

Yes sleepover at his most weekends and we've been on weekends away together. He will stay here if the kids aren't here but very rarely.

He says it's because they will be uncomfortable and I agree it will be a bit weird the first time for them as I have been single 8 years. But they know him and I don't think they would be particularly bothered. Both young teenagers.

I don't think he's interested in a long term future with you, as you say he wants a weekend gf and one that always to his. After 18 months I'd expect to progress by now, at least wanting to know your family if he was serious.
My advice is walk away if don't want to carry on the same.

Well, it's stepping things up a gear to stay overnight when you have the children there. It is only 18 months - to start being that regular figure in the house. I can understand him not being ready for that.

The reluctance to stay over when you don't have the kids is less easy to understand.

Does he want a relationship with you away from your children? And so is creating physical boundaries

TBH I do think YABU. You even say they may be uncomfortable. So don't do it.

This ^^

How old are your children?
Do they know you have a boyfriend?
Presumably you don't see your boyfriend very often, is he very happy about this and not interested in investing at all in a longer term relationship?

So when I say uncomfortable I really mean a bit different I don't think it would upset them in anyway.

Yes they know I have a boyfriend and have met him on many occasions BBQs, days out, dinner. He often comes over for dinner mid week but always goes home.

My problem is as someone mentioned above I don't feel like we get to spend enough time together 2/3 weekends a month and a couple of mid week dinners usually. Hence why I would like him to sleepover.

But maybe I am expecting too much too soon.

The kids might not be uncomfortable, but I think you're missing the significance of him being there when they wake up etc.

He's not comfortable with it - I would also see it as a ratcheting up of the "seriousness" of the relationship, not just a spending more time together thing.

I’d expect to be moving along a bit by 18 months. So I don’t think you are unreasonable. Wether you want to end the relationship over it is another thing…

I think he sounds very sensible and respectful. So many men seem to want to move in after five minutes and your BF is happy to take things slowly and respect your DC. I would personally take that as a good sign.

The thought of being intimate with teenagers around is likely to be very intimidating to a single man with no kids. He may well have the view that if he doesn’t fancy that, there is no point staying over.