Help! I’m overthinking dating again

[overthinking62]

I haven’t done OLD in a long time so apologies if I’m overthinking! Just wanted to see if this is anything to potentially worry about.

I’ve been texting a guy from OLD for about a week and it seems to be going pretty well, I haven’t met him yet but we have arranged to meet next Wednesday. He’s away this weekend.
We don’t text loads, but a few times a day and the conversation does flow. He will text until late and then doesn’t say goodnight and won’t often reply until around midday the next day, which is absolutely fine as we both work full time so I assume he’s working in the morning.

Last night we texted until late and for the first time the conversation stopped - he said goodnight which I guess is a goood thing! But then he hasn’t texted me yet at all and it’s nearly 2pm.

I did send the last text (saying night) and he read it this morning. I feel like I shouldn’t text first as he ended the conversation.

Should I worry? Should I not? Am I waaaay overthinking? 😂

Maybe he has nothing to say to you, you can message him if you want a chat! It's very early to be worrying about his messaging schedule though

If you're concerned about a relationship before you've actually met the other person, then there's either something to worry about, or you worry too much to weather a relationship. Either way, you're not ready to date.

You’ve not even met this man yet. Stop extended texting chats like this, you’re creating a false sense of familiarity which is event more evident in your worrying about not having heard from him - a total stranger - for an entire morning and what this means. Send a check in message a day if you must and a couple on the day you’re actually planning to meet. Forget all the rest of the nonsense and stop building it all up in your head, you may have no connection at all in person or he may be ten years older and four stone heavier than his photos and you’ll have wasted all this emotional investment.

Also there's a risk of boring each other if you overdo texting.
There are other interesting and exciting things in life- try to re-engage with them and take the pressure off this complete stranger

Yeah you guys are right !
I think I just worry that it means he’s suddenly not interested anymore (like, should he have texted me by now if he was, it’s been nearly 24 hours?) or that he will find someone else to go on a date with.
i think I’m just not used to it, and wanted to know if it was normal or if I should be doing things differently x

or if I should be doing things differently

There are no 'shoulds'.

Find a partner who doesn't make you worry.

Well, so what if he isn’t interested, or is going on a date with somebody else? He’s a stranger who you know virtually nothing about. You haven’t lost anything if either of those things do happen. You need to think of it that way, if you think about him at all.

This is the problem with too much texting and chatting prior to meeting: you feel emotionally connected to a stranger to the point you’re worried that he’ll meet somebody else and are thinking of him as somebody in your life when he really isn’t.

And on the “finding somebody else to go on a date with” - this is something you should both be doing. You don’t pin all your hopes on one person who seems nice over text and assume this is going to turn into a relationship. The likelihood is that it won’t go anywhere, most first and second dates don’t. Message other people, again, all part of not over-investing yourself.

There is sadly no way of knowing yet whether he's reliably in your life. And you probably can't influence the outcome. If he turns out to be flaky, dump him, and the next flaky one, till you get a reliable one. In the meantime, try to enjoy other stuff Xx

If he's not interested, there's nothing you can do, so don't stress about it. Don't double message him, let him come to you and that will show if he's keen. Dont depend your happiness on a stranger!

Most chats don't progress to a date and that's fine? You only want to date who's genuinely keen.

It’s ok guys he just messaged me 😂
But you’re right I shouldn’t be waiting or expecting. It’s been a while lol. Thanks all x

This isn’t a partner, she has never even met him!

At this stage it might be advisable to not go so heavy on the texting and that way she will maybe stop herself getting over invested in somebody she has not met.

I’m the same. I get way overinvested very quickly and then you meet them and there’s no spark.

Are you new to dating? The first few men I chatted to I got like this, and annoyingly so did they, getting all carried away about having a future together after one date etc .

The most recent one I was a bit more reserved, just kept going along the lines of well let’s meet up and see how it goes, even if there’s no spark then he’s funny and good looking and I’ve made a new friend!

Even on the date I wasn’t sure there was chemistry. But when we said goodbye he kissed me and … BAM! I’m now massively overthinking the whole thing again and obsessing over him, the next date, whether he’s also chatting to other people or shagging anyone etc - it’s torturous!

I'm trying to convince myself that it doesn’t matter if it’s just a fling, or if he ghosts me after this etc that there’s plenty more fish in the sea, and I don’t even really like fishing! Focus on now, where are you, what are you doing, are you safe and loved etc. If nothing ever comes of this chat then life will go on much as it is right now. And more men/women/hobbies/jobs will be along to make you feel alive and happy.

@Aprilx

I wasn't suggesting this was a partner.