So damn negative....feeling drained with it now.

[bonkersbee]

Hello Everyone

Name changed for this one. Been with my partner for two years. When we met, I always knew he was quite reversed, and not the most jolly of souls but he treated me well and we had a great time together. He definitely moaned a fair amount, but I felt the things he was saying were justified and I agreed on his viewpoints.

Fast forward two years, and I don't even recognise him. He bemoans and complains about EVERYTHING. He is the most negative person I have ever met, and I just can't deal with it much more. I bend over backwards to try and please him and try and make him see good in things, but he refuses. Even the good things that have happened, he will find fault. It's as if he'll never truly be happy, or feel satisfied with life. I know he has depression - so that is definitely playing a part, but I'm honestly getting to the point of wanting to leave but I'm scared of being alone. I do love him - but I feel drained by him.

Not sure what I'm looking for here. Just some advice, thoughts, suggestions perhaps?! Has anyone been in a similar situation - how did you deal with it?

I'd end it. You're only 2 years in, with (I assume) no kids. He sounds joyless. I have a sibling like this (although not quite as bad), and for this and other reasons, I no longer engage.

So what steps is HE taking to try and help HIS depression?

Has he been to GP?
Does he spend time outdoors?
Has he cut back on alcohol, social media, internet in general?
Does he eat a healthy balanced diet?
Regular exercise?
Does he try to keep up his family and friendship connections?
Listen to uplifting music?
Read?

I mean if you are bending over backwards to help him the least I would expect him to be doing is EVERYTHING he could.

Otherwise leave the most negative person you have ever met to circle his own drain.

You're scared of being alone? It will be a walk in the park compared to dealing with this every day. He sounds like he could steal the joy out of anything, meanwhile you're bending over backwards....you do not have to live like this.

You don't have kids with him, you can literally pack your things and not look back, and set your sights higher than this fun sponge.

My ex husband was like this. He was never depressed, he's just a naturally very negative person. Very clever, very sarcastic, very negative person. Sneers at everything and everybody he doesn't personally like/enjoy. It was one of the many reasons our marriage failed, I could feel myself become the same. It's now nearly 14 years since I left, I'm still on very good terms with him and see him quite regularly, but I'm always grateful when I get to leave.

My now partner does suffer from anxiety and depression - but he is very proactive about managing it, takes the medications necessary, has arranged counselling for himself, tries as best as possible to look after his physical health...so he's not a negative person. He does still have his moments, but that's all they are - moments. It's not a permanent state of being for him.

Unless your partner is willing to get the help he obviously needs, I'd leave. Women are not rehab centres for broken men.

Sorry you are going through this, it sounds really rough.

Does he know that his mind skews so badly toward the negative this way? What does (or would) he say if you put it to him point-blank: "why are you like this?"

What do you mean you're 'scared of being alone' ?

Have you a habit of settling for anyone rather than being single?

If so then even more of a reason to be single for a time. If you can't be comfortable in your own company, chances are you'll never be happy in a relationship. Because a. You'll pick people like Mr misery guts the current bf and b. Other people are not plasters for your own emotional shortcomings. You gotta fix that shit yourself.

You don't and can't however, fix him.

You, too, are choosing misery.

Better to be alone and in peace.

Better to be alone than to be settling for misery with him.