What would you do if you were me?

[Whatnext22]

Keen to leave relationship. Have two girls with DP, baby and 7 years old.

Cost of living stuff has come at a really bad time for me…

A. i could leave and survive if I move house closer to family 40 miles away. (I could live rent free for a while) but older child would have to move school and would be sad to be away from dad.

B. i could suck it up and stay for a couple of years.

C. i could separate and stay living together until we sell and buy a local flat at that time. Would be minimum 11 months. Aware that it’s a terrible time to get a mortgage and my life in the meantime with DP would be intolerable.

the issues with DP: no issues at all most of the time but he occasionally goes awol - drink related. My anxiety can’t cope with the possibility of it happening at any time.

he Will turn nasty if i leave.

Option A
Today preferably

Leave ! Option 1. Will be better in the long run for your girls

Move… your child is very young and adaptable. A stable, happy home is much more secure than one with the anxiety caused by an alcoholic parent. (I know from experience.)

Option A. He can visit for the day and see your children - 40 miles isn't far. You'll have support, which is invaluable. I doubt you've had much support from a nasty drinker who goes AWOL whenever he wants.

A

is he likely to raise an application for a pso if you relocate with his children? Although 40 miles doesn’t seem much you will heed to consider he will not be happy and pursue options through family court including emergency applications

but if you can leave I would.
do you want to tell us more about these issues in your relationship so others can advise more?

. Is it a safe environment for you and the children? Would you have safeguarding concerns due to the drinking. What happens to you all when he’s doing this?

@Whiskeypowers At the moment the kids are pretty sheltered from it all. They are probably affected indirectly through my anxiety but not to the extent that there’s any noticeable signs. The baby is too young to be affected. No violence or abuse in the home.

as they get older though I have no doubt that they’ll be affected by stress for one reason or another.

to be clear I’m not proposing staying forever. Just temporarily. I have no income atm apart from a bit of statutory Mat pay. Even when I do go back to work I won’t have enough to be fully independent, but not far off. My salary plus cms probably covers everything except day to day living costs like food clothes transport. But that does all have to be paid for somehow…

i doubt he’ll contest anything through the courts because he won’t get off his bum to organise it, but he will block the sale of the house (which he’ll remain in if i leave) if he can. Things like not tidying it for viewings. Not letting agents in. Refusing to sign papers to sell it etc.