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Original poster

Does anyone else have a DH who takes no interest in choosing, buying or wrapping their kid' s birthday presents?

28 replies

guineapugs · 27/09/2022 20:52

It's all left to me. I enjoy it and have the time as I work part time. On suggesting we wrap our sons birthday presents together this evening, DH told me I should have done it as I've had all day. Ok I have the time but he literally has no idea what 'we' are giving our child for their birthday this week. He never gets involved with Christmas shopping or ideas. I have to force him to help wrap. He's missing out and I'm making all the decisions. I have friends who go shopping for presents together which sounds lovely.

OP posts:

Crunchingleaf · 27/09/2022 21:17

I have been in the same position as you with my Ex. It’s baffling how a parent can take no interest in something their child gets so much joy from. I stopped asking for his input into presents and just did my own thing. If you have mentioned it before to your DH and hasn’t taken it on board then he isn’t going to. If you keep bringing it up then you will end up ruining the enjoyment of it all for yourself.

Dacadactyl · 27/09/2022 21:19

I shop for the stuff and my husband wraps it. But thats only because im shit at wrapping stuff and he is madly precise about it so prefers to wrap it himself.

If I was any good at wrapping it, he wouldn't bother getting involved at all I don't think.

I don't think wrapping things together is a "thing" though.

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/09/2022 21:19

No, sorry. He’s always very involved in ideas, shopping and wrapping for our DC and his older DC. It must be hurtful. Does he make any effort for you?

Kanaloa · 27/09/2022 21:22

My DH and I chat coming up to birthdays to decide what we’ll get. Sometimes one of us might take the lead - if my DS needs some new sports equipment DH will probably choose/buy it because he and DS share that interest so he’s got a better idea of what is the ‘right’ thing/brand/style. If it’s a toy for DD collection I’ll get it as I have more of a memory for which pieces she’s missing. Overall we share it and share the enjoyment of seeing them open it. It’s a shame how some dads seem like sort of pretend parents sometimes. Is he generally very uninvolved and uncaring? Or does he just not think/leaves the burden to you? What would happen if you also couldn’t be bothered?

Chdjdn · 27/09/2022 21:26

If I ask my husband for ideas he’ll give some good ones but if I didn’t ask then he wouldn’t think to say anything. Irs a bit of a joke that he never knows what they’ve got although not exactly a funny one.
i have to push him to help wrap though as he hates doing it and I get it as I don’t love it as a job but I’m not doing it all

Eatingjumper · 27/09/2022 21:26

No. I have a husband that shares the load with the kids and family. Sometimes it might fall to me, other times to him depending on workloads etc, but generally it all comes out in the wash. Is he actually like this across most other areas of your life together or is it just the gifts he can't be arsed with?

Muchtoomuchtodo · 27/09/2022 21:27

Mine is the same.

it used to piss me off, now I feel a bit sorry for him tbh

Grumpybutfunny · 27/09/2022 21:28

Mine will get involved in the main present and the party. I do the little presents and the wrapping

mamabluestar · 27/09/2022 21:30

My children (11 and 14) joke that their Dad/my husband is the only one to believe in Santa. Christmas presents arrive by Christmas morning and it's a surprise what everyone will receive.

To be fair though he shops and cooks christmas dinner for 13 of us.

BigFatLiar · 27/09/2022 21:32

Long time since they were little, it's grand children now, I think OH relives Christmas through them. Used to have to tell him to stop buying stocking fillers for the girls. He loved Christmas and birthdays with them, we both enjoyed picking their presents, it was partbof the fun of having children. Difficult to understand how people don't get caught up in the excitement of the children.

Changechangychange · 27/09/2022 21:37

Same here. Also takes no interest in buying his clothes, taking him to activities or on days out, etc. It’s strange because he does genuinely really love him, but seems to have a complete blank spot in that area.

He is very hands on, and is great at the shitwork of parenting (getting him up, getting breakfast, taking him to school, taking him to the park etc). But the bits that I would actually say are the most rewarding parts of parenting (Christmas, treats, buying toys, books and clothes) he doesn’t do at all. His loss, but it baffles me.

PussInBin20 · 27/09/2022 21:41

Mine’s the same, I’ve always just done it all. Tbh though he wouldn’t choose appropriate presents so I can’t trust him. So it suits us both I suppose as he has no interest in shopping or wrapping.

Chooksnroses · 27/09/2022 21:51

Togetherness in these things isn't as nice as it sounds. The one time I went Christmas shopping with my ex, it was like this:
Me: "What about this for your Mum?"
Him: "Do we normally spend that much on her?"
Me, walking away from suggested item, and going to another shop.
Me: "What about this for your Mum?"
Him: "I thought you were getting that other thing for her?"

Present wrapping. Huge pile of gifts to wrap, he takes so long to wrap one thing, I've wrapped six. It wasn't worth it, because my insides were so screwed up with tension, I couldn't enjoy the task as I normally did.

underneaththeash · 27/09/2022 22:00

I don’t think my DH has ever wrapped a present (or chosen one). Hardly a chore though doing it.

SAH07 · 27/09/2022 22:02

My DH has no involvement, it was DDs birthday recently and I remarked how he has no idea what we've bought her and how they somehow arrive wrapped and ready for her to open. Same with Christmas. He literally leaves it all to me. He would have no clue what to buy. Tbh he is rubbish at buying gifts.

He does help out in lots of other ways, cleaning, laundry, running them around to their activities and buying the things needed for that

RTHJ14 · 27/09/2022 22:04

It’s a standard joke in our house… DH to the kids ‘oh that’s nice… who’s that from!’ Me.. Us! Xx

Useitorloseit · 27/09/2022 22:07

My stepchild would get nothing for Christmas or Birthday's if I didn't organise their gifts. DH is brilliant at everything else but gift buying/thinking of a gift he's TERRIBLE at. I don't mind too much as he always appreciates my efforts.

twoandcooplease · 27/09/2022 22:07

I just had a major fall out with DP at the weekends after everything for ds 1st birthday was left to me. I was so disappointed he didn't care. No advice but don't keep (if you're like me) grinding your teeth, speak to him about how he's not interested and should be contributing more than financially to the kids gifts. It's not enough

Fraaahnces · 27/09/2022 22:12

He used to be like that. He’d also complain about what “we’d” spent. After other issues, I put him in charge of buying for his own family and he never got around to it. Actually, that’s a lie. He bought his mummy an expensive box from l’Occitane and then asked in April when I was going to post it. He knows MUCH better now… especially since I lost it after shit, thoughtless, token cheap gift bought for me on Christmas Eve and I told him our marriage was on notice. He is much more involved now.

Brigante9 · 27/09/2022 22:21

My cousin’s husband says he looks forward to the dc opening their presents as much as they do because he has no idea what’s inside! To be fair, my cousin is very organised and in control and loves sorting presents.

Deadringer · 27/09/2022 22:30

Dh has never shown much interest in the dcs gifts, he does occasionally buy them something off his own bat though. He always buys the presents for his side of the family though, and I buy for mine.

MMmomDD · 27/09/2022 22:42

@guineapugs

There are two different issues here.

One - in general - do you feel that your household and child-rearing chores aren’t split equally? Taking into account his full time and your part time work?
If so - that obviously needs to be discussed.

Two - if chores are generally split equally, and he is pulling his weight otherwise - then I think you have some sort of emotional expectation of him wanting to participate in presents selection/wrapping.
I think most men don’t usually care about that. At best - they may engage in discussion of how much to spend; or what the main gift is (when kids are older).
I have not met a man who enjoys wrapping presents, or planning a kids party.

I am guessing your child is small and you think of present purchasing as some sort of bonding family experience with you H. It’s clear he thinks if it as a chore.
Neither is right or wrong.

If you feel he doesn’t help enough - tell him that. You can chose and get presents, and wrapping is up to him.
Expecting him to care about present buying process or wrapping when he doesn’t - isn’t going to work.

Kanaloa · 28/09/2022 10:09

Useitorloseit · 27/09/2022 22:07

How absolutely shit of him. Do you really think if he hadn’t found a woman to foist it on he’d leave his children with no gifts to mark special occasions?

DappledThings · 28/09/2022 11:43

DH is better at presents all round than me. He is better at remembering what people have mentioned and sorting it all out. I find it really stressful. DD's birthday is at Christmas and I hate having to come up with ideas for us and for GPs etc yo get her x2 in as many days. So DH takes the lead. I do always know what we have bought but it's rarely my idea.

LaTangerina · 28/09/2022 11:45

Pretty much - my husband gets a surprise Christmas day when he finds out what we're bought our kids 😂 To be fair he often does go ahead & pick out one gift for them each which is specifically from him.
Birthdays we do discuss (sometimes) but basically it's all left to me & I do all the wrapping.
I don't really mind though.

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