I desperately want another baby , DH doesn`t

[babbi]

Sorry this is not a problem as such, I am just struggling very much accepting this.

I love babies and have always wanted loads.I married DH and became stepmum to his two kids now 22 and 20 . We have since had DD now 2.5 by IVF as DH`s vasectomy reversal was not a great success . He has always said he would only agree to one pregnancy and stands by that.
I have no grounds for complaining as I was fully aware of all this.
But lately I am so broody I am starting to really wonder if I did the right thing by marrying someone who wants to limit a family when I am so keen to have more. It is getting me really down thinking that DD is the last (I know that I am wrong to think like this and should just be eternally grateful for my adorable DD) but I crave another baby.
Other than this DH and I agree on just about everything, though in this last week I am a little distant with him and he keeps asking if I am ok. He said again yesterday -no way another baby.

Please can someone tell me these broody feelings wiil subside and I can get back to normal ??? (Doesn`t help all my friends are expecting their second !!)
Oh and we are lucky money is not a problem re IVF etc

It is difficult for all concerned to be in a situation like this, so sympathies all round, but do bear in mind that it's not wrong or bad to not want any more children, the DPs who don;t want another one are not villains. They may be more clearheaded than their desperately broody partners - they may be thinking that if they say yes to this one they will be having the same discussion every couple of years till she hits the menopause (not pointing any fingers but some women really do seem to want baby after baby to a point that one wonders a bit about their mental health).

Hi Thanks again to all.

Gunner bean that is exactly my difficulty - it is different from Expat - I don`t have the same options .
I have no intention of splitting the family up to pursue another baby. All of my kids need me and DH to be together.
However it is perhaps a little bit harsh to say "that I have made my bed and now lie on it". - though I see where you are coming from !!
Problem is though I think people can look ahead in life on a "factual" basis but it is not so easy to predict emotions.

I don`t think anyone really knows how they are going to feel after having a baby.
Even though I had been a stepmum for years I still had no idea what joy a brand new baby would bring. I used to say I will love being a mum and look forward to lots of babies - the reality for me was so much better than I could ever have dreamed of !!

However we had a great talk today again and he was great (still no baby though!!) but said he was a bit naive also not to predict this ! Said that he did marry me because I was kids mad and brought our (his) older two up as my own. ( he worked away a lot so I was left holding the kids) So he said that he gained back them with my intense maternal instincts , but they have come back worse and are biting him on the b*m...

I blush as I confess maybe I am feeling really bad as DS has now moved out to live with his GF so I only have 1 junior at home now. Ok he is 22 but my little boy ! A bit of an empty nest.

Also to the poster (sorry forget name) who said some mad women are broody until the menopause - I guess that is me - guilty as charged..

Today DD was a little horror when me and DH were out at a restaurant - spilt juice , threw food , tripped up and emptied the nappy bag , dropped teddy in the fish tank etc etc
DH was pulling his hair out mega stressed looked over at me who is still calmly smiling and burst out laughing - he said "you even love the really bad days - I am married to a total nutter "

God love him - he has just gone out for a pint and who can blame him....

Thanks again to all who took the trouble to respond - maybe facing my 40 birthday in the summer is also making me take stock ......but life is good ....thanks again

Sorry Madamez - you are right - I would be broody for ever ......
and also right no one is right and no one is wrong or villain - but it is a situation in life where there can be no compromise ( I Mean we can hardly have half a baby!)
So both parties must really want it ....

DH (the little sweetheart) has offered to take me to Las Vegas for 4 days leaving DD with my Mum. He thinks that there may be huge value of removing me from DD and all her little groups where there are endless cute little babies which set me off. He said a few days of having a great time being a person (off duty Mum ) would be beneficial to show me what other fun there can be in life away from nappies and orange juice ! ie Show me there are other options .
He is a very wise man .....

OK, this may be a bit controversial, but I actually think your DH is being rather selfish. It sounds a bit as though he has "used" you for your maternal instincts to bring up his first two children and is now denying you the opportunity to have two children of your own.

He doesn't want another baby, despite your desperate longings because it will change his lifestyle. What about your feelings - why are his more important just because you agreed to only having one, which he admits was naive?! The endless trips, spa days etc sound as though he's trying to buy you off to be honest.

I don't underestimate what a terribly hard sitation you're in, but is his position that he would rather split up with you and miss seeing his daughter rather than lose his lifestyle? Hmmm. He'll give you anything that money can buy as long as it doesn't inconvenience him is what it sounds a bit like to me. Sorry.

I don't see that as true at all, Daisy.

He values his relationship with babbi very much, that much is obvious from her posts.

When people get married, they sometimes forget, they made those promises to EACH OTHER, first, before there were children.

The children grow up and get their own lives, but you were married before they came along with an eye to staying that way after they've flown the coop.

He sound a bit older, too.

What's wrong with wanting a bit of your life back? Especially after you made it clear you only wanted one more?

Well I suppose I'm coming from the perspective that although I really don't want any more children, if my husband desperately wanted another as much as babbi seems to, I would probably agree to another baby because I love him and want to make him happy. I know he wouldn't ask that of me unless he was totally desperate for another baby. (And we had an agreement re the number of children we'd have too.)

I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting your life back, but IME having children changes your life full stop and having another doesn't make that much difference.

Don't get me wrong, he sounds wonderful in lots of ways, I just feel very sorry for babbi who seems to be the one who has made all the sacrifices.

You weren't to know before having your baby how you'd feel about having any more and I don't think he's fair to hold you to something agreed before.

I know many girls who only wanted 1 child yet are now trying for numbers 2 and 3 and others who wanted lots but are sticking at 1!

I was nearly in this position with my ex, lovely man, pots of money but unable and unwilling to have anymore children (15 years older than me, divorced with 3 children already)
I was sort of willing to accept no children, but one day we were in Harvey Nicks and I saw a pregnant woman, it suddenly hit me that I might be able to shop there but I'll never have a baby and I ran out in tears. He ended it with me soon after as he said "You're 23 now you don't know how you'll feel in 10 years and I can not bear the thought of you leaving me for a man who can/will give you babies" I was heartbroken

6 years on I'm married with 2 wonderful children and I can not thank him enough for having the bravery to do something I wouldn't have dared do. I may never be able to shop in Harvey Nicks again but I'd rather have my 2 wonderful babies and the many more DDDH is prepared to give me!!

Also, TBH I really don't see that another will make that much difference he's got 3 may as well round it up to 4!!

I really hope it all turns out well for you, I know it can be heartbreaking

Sorry, but I don't buy this 'one more won't make a difference'.

But I don't always assume every pregnancy = a healthy child, either.

Especially as a woman ages.

I totally agree Expat. It makes children sound like commodoties. We're talking about peoples lives here (i.e the babies). A baby should NEVER be used as a bargaining chip in a relationship, i.e. I'll have one to keep him/her happy. Nor should someones life (a baby's) be used to paper over a crack in a floundering relationship. That sort of thing absoutely stinks in my book.

A baby should not be knowingly conceived unless both parents are totally happy with the decision. Any woman who conceives a baby with the attitude "he'll soon come around to the idea when he/she is here" is at best pathetic and at worst utterly irresponsible.

Oh and Babbi, if you love babies and children so much have you considered setting yourself up as a childminder? Having a houseful of babies/children all day that you can pack off home at teatime might quell your maternal urges. You might then see that it is entirely possible to have too much of a good thing. It might tide you over until the menopause at least...