Is it possible for us to go back to the drawing board?

[mygoodnessgracious]

My bf and I are together two and a half years.
We live separately by choice and at a distance of an hour away from each other.

I have three kids who need a lot of support.
Two of them spend eow with their Dad.
The eldest has no relationship with Dad so stays here with me but works and studies as she is in her last year of secondary,

Partner has one child. Spends eow with his child and then a few evenings per week.

I've never wanted to blend. It's not for me.
I love the space with my kids and they've had it hard over last few years due to Dad leaving.

My bf gets on well with my kids but I find that the longer we are together, the more involved he has become. In a positive way I may add but it's not what I signed up for.

He doesn't meet them a lot but when he does he almost assumes a stepdad role. His heart is in the right place but I don't want any one else getting involved with my
Kids. They have a father, albeit a shit one.

We argued about this recently as my kids behaviours at times annoy him in that they can be lazy and cheeky and it annoys him that they treat me shabbily. One of my
Children in particular can really act up when he doesn't get his own way.

I agree they do at times and maybe I'm too compensatory but it's really not his business.

We need to go back to the drawing board.
I'd love to rewind to the days when our relationship was solely about us just eow, midweek evening , long weekend
and a holiday every six months.
Fleeting Contact with each other's kids but no blending.
I think he would agree , at least until our kids are older and leaving the nest ( a few years in my case) when we can then live together.
Am I living in a dream world thinking this is a possibility.

No I think that what you suggest it a good idea. The only issue is how your partner will interpret this proposition. Will he feel slighted, or that the change indicates deeper problems?

I understand but I think if you are to have a proper future you will need to blend at some point and it won't work to think that you can just live separately until your children are older. Even as adults they'll need parenting, bailing out, they might have children themselves and if your relationship with your bf has become closer by then he'll end up assuming a grandfather role. This is maybe looking a bit too far to the future! But my point is that your children will always be your children no matter what age they are.

Can I ask why you think it wouldn't work if we moved in together after my children
Left home ?

There's many ways to have a great relationship. I disagree with the PP, it is entirely possible to continue as you are (living separately) until all children have moved out. This is exactly what I did waited 6 years. It can be done.

I'm not sure that it can work long term because of how keen you are to keep things separate (unless you stay living separately? That might work). Agree it will be easier once they've left home but what about if they want to come back (e.g. between uni and getting a job, saving for a mortgage, split up from bf/gf and need somewhere to stay). What about when you want to spend some money on your joint home and your or his children need some financial help for something at the same time so one of you can't commit. I don't think it won't work necessarily, i just think that it's unrealistic for a couple who both have children to live together but also be independent, they never stop needing you! You could always address that at the time though rather than split up now.

My ideal would be for us to move in when my youngest goes to uni.
In the meantime I'd like for us to reset our time together to eow and a couple of evenings in the interim with an overnight on the alternate weekend .
I have no issue with my bf being a friend to my kids and being part of family occasions but I'm not interested in him getting involved in discipline and our family issues.
This is probably the opposite to what most people on here want form a relationship like mine.