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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I’m in another horrible relationship but can’t seem to end it

28 replies

Mumtothethreeamigos · 26/09/2022 21:04

I have a history of being with emotionally abusive men. I’m currently with someone who I thought was different. He’s been jealous and controlling of me and I ended it. He’s begged for another chance and I’ve given him one but I know the signs and o know I need to end it. But somehow I can’t. I’m a professional person with my own home and a lot to give. Why can’t I just value myself and end this?

OP posts:
blacksax · 27/09/2022 19:22

I'm such a people pleaser

Yes, but please don't be such a people pleaser that you will bend over backwards to appease such a nasty person, and desperately try to turn him onto someone nice. You don't need this nasty piece of work in your life. He isn't nasty because of some failing in you, and it is not your responsibility to fix him.

Dump the bastard asap. Please.

movingon2022 · 27/09/2022 19:23

sleepymum50 · 27/09/2022 15:59

I was too scared to just come out with it, so I said I was unhappy and asked for us to go for relationship counselling. He said no, and asked what I was unhappy about. I replied that I wanted to discuss these things with a trained counsellor.

He took that as an insult, we argued some more, he told me to fuck off and get a divorce. He flounced off.

A few hours later when he had calmed down, he sent a text agreed we’d grown apart and said we were best to separate. I agreed - Result!

The reason I didn’t want to tell him the things I was unhappy about, was because he always thinks he is right, shouts me down and twists things to make it my fault.

Does that scenario help at all? You haven’t said if it’s a long relationship or if you are married. A man who doesn’t even want to try doesn’t leave many options left.

I also saw a therapist separately which helped see things clearly and stick to my guns.

@sleepymum50 You just described what happened to me, except that my ex did not "agree" to separation and still claims, after being apart for over a year, that he has no idea why I "dumped" him. Unbelievable.

@Mumtothethreeamigos It took me 25 years to break free, please do not wait a minute longer. Just leave.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 28/09/2022 07:45

Mumtothethreeamigos

i ended up in a very dysfunctional 9 month relationship after a 22 year one
in the end it took care of itself as he ghosted me (again)!
but I totally emphasise with knowing it’s wrong , holding on and - well yeah

you just have to rip the sticking plaster off
at the end of 2022 I’m somewhat angry with myself for the grief I’ve allowed him to cause me

you know he won’t change x

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