Where now?

[TatumHigh]

Good friends for several years working together. We'd often message outside of work and chat about things at the weekend. Both fun stuff and serious stuff going on for us both.

We dated for a year when I left the company. Things went very slowly as he's that sort of man. He wanted to make sure his head was in the right place after his separation 4 years ago.

He ended things a month ago unexpectedly via text, citing his head not being in the right place. I didn't plead for him to take me back. I sent one message to respond, saying it would be good to meet up to discuss things, but he didn't reply.

I've done no contact since then and am pretty much out of the other side. Not heard from him at all.

I miss my friend. I miss the chats we had pre-dating. I want to try and get my buddy back. Not to start dating again, but to restore a lost friendship. I now know him well enough to know I was the only person he used to open up to about things for years.

I also know he's going through some hard times that started when we were dating, and I care about the fact that my friend no longer has anyone to bat things out with. But it feels like the dating has got in the way of being able to care for my friend and reaching out to him to see how he's doing.

I strongly suspect him ending things with me was part of the way he's trying to deal with the other stuff. It was easier to push me away than to accept I was willing to walk the journey with him.

As a person who cares about their friends, where would you go next with this?

Nowhere. You've left the door open. If you care about him, you'll let him decide if/when he wants to come back.

If you care about you, you'll be very careful of anybody who drops you and drops all contact with you whilst you worry about their wellbeing. He's not worrying about you, is he? Otherwise, he would have responded by now.

You don't need to rescue him. He can do that himself.

He will get in contact if he wants to. I think you care more than you're letting on and using the friends thing as a means of continuing contact. Be brutally honest with yourself. This is to meet your needs not his.

If this was a friend I hadn't dated, and I knew what they were going through and knowing I was the only person they spoke to honestly, if they pushed me away, I'd push back, contact them regularly and make them know I wasn't going anywhere as I cared about them too much. It's what good friends do. They don't leave someone they care for high and dry trying to cope with problems alone as they don't want to bother you with it all.

Well, I don't anyway.

You could be part of his problem.

It sounds like he couldn't cope with the idea of having someone who really worried or cared about him.
Maybe he was scared that he let you down.
People do all sorts of strange things when they suffering mentally especially pushing the ones that care about them away. (I've been guilty of this in the past)
Or maybe he's an absolute prick.

I don't think there's any harm in getting in contact to see how he is.
He may be regretting cutting you off but too proud to admit it or he may decide that whatever you had is in the past.
Either way at least you'll know you tried.
As I said on a similar thread hope for the best but prepare for the worst.

He wants a breather let him have it.