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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

AIBU to feel a little sad about this?

4 replies

Keepingasecret1 · 26/09/2022 17:28

DP stayed over the other night (we’re both middle-aged and divorced). To cut a long story short, discovered they’d spent a good couple of ours messaging a friend of the opposite sex who I knew nothing about previously.

I’m okay with opposite-sex friends (I have some of my own and know of some others of dp) and we trust each other, but I’ll be honest and say I felt a bit upset about this one - but not sure why? They’ve apparently known each other for a few years and nothing’s ever happened. DP insisted on showing me the messages, to prove nothing untoward was happening, and whilst there was nothing sexual, it was almost an hour and a half of them instantly replying to each other, teasing each other and bantering with in-jokes, etc whilst I’d been there in the background, in the dark. I think it’s that which hurts - just the intensity of it all. But maybe it’s just because I don’t personally have an opposite sex friend with whom I have a similar level of social engagement? Can anyone help me make sense of it all?

OP posts:
Keepingasecret1 · 26/09/2022 17:29

*couple of hours

OP posts:
Trees6 · 26/09/2022 21:29

I don’t think that hours of messaging (with anyone, be it a friend, relative, neighbour) is very courteous when you’re in the company of your partner, but other than that I don’t think it is cause for concern. Has anything else about this particular woman rung alarm bells?

Riverlee · 26/09/2022 21:42

I think he was quite rude to carrying on a conversation with friend for over an hour when he was staying with you.

How long have you been together? If for a short time, then it’s not a surprise you don’t know all his friends. If longer, then more of a surprise, unless it was a catch up call after a long gap of not talking (still rude though).

Do you feel he has kept her secret? Does it look like emotional affair territory?

Triffid1 · 26/09/2022 21:44

What we're you doing during this time? Because overall I don't see any problem with a long chatty jokey WhatsApp convo with someone of the opposite sex. But if you were sitting there trying to get their attention or were told.they were working or something would be a problem.

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