Anyone gone through a painful friendship breakup with a long term close friend?

[Metabigot]

This is what I'm going through at the moment. Close friends for 20 years, she did the reading at my wedding, godmother to my son etc.

Somewhere along the way the friendship has broken down and I can't work out why. I began to sense a disconnect and former friend began to act very dismissive/rude/uncaring to me and when I was going through a crisis she didn't want to know. I can understand not over relying on friends as therapists but she literally wouldn't let me talk about the situation and just treated me really horribly and made me feel like I was being a nuisance.

So I backed off from the friendship out of anger/resentment and we both didn't speak for a while. I then got back in touch, I never wanted it to be finito, but she didn't want to know.

Then sent me an email telling me what a horrible person I was and accusing me of doing all sorts of things I just don't recognise. Said this had been going on for years and she'd put up with it but I KNOW we were friends , she actively pursued the friendship until this year and invited me to parties etc which surely you wouldn't want a horrible friend to go to.

So it's over and she's taken another mutual friend (who is closer to her to be fair, I knew she'd probably side with former friend) and I feel like how the hell did thi even happen after knowing these people for so many years. Yet in the end they turned on me and treated me like trash with no regard whatsoever for my feelings.

I know all I can do is get over it - but how?

Absolutely no way back with either of them so it's a matter of coming to terms and not letting it destroy me. I need advice/stories of similar if anyone can help.

Me. I went through a hard time reporting some historical trauma and it made me close off a bit. I became overwhelmed replying to messages from people, so I'd only reply when I had the emotional energy. If it was serious I'd reply straight away and then I'd work my way through people. I didn't ever effectively communicate this at the time though, I was still in my mid 20's and just at the beginning of my therapy journey. I bitterly regret not being able to communicate better, but at the same time try not to carry it as I only had the resources available to me at the time. My friend thought I was slighting her I think and if she saw I was online and hadn't replied she took it personally, which I completely understand. I just had nothing but love for her. I think I took her presence in my life for granted.

Also my other friend and her partner at the time got us tickets to a gig for my favourite band, this was a few months post mental breakdown and I managed to go and mostly cope. The pictures were on Facebook so she likely saw those and maybe thought I was better than I was. Again, my lack of communication. We did speak of course, but I wasn't the happy kind of message every day person I was before.

There were plenty of resentments that built up on her side. But she never voiced them, I would have genuinely tried to explain and make everything up to her. I never voiced my struggles properly either, although she did know. So I think she felt abandoned and I felt unsupported.

We're years down the line now and we did speak in covid times. I messaged her this year on her birthday and she ignored it. Since then I'm trying to move on. I don't have her picture up in my house any more. I changed her name in my phone from the silly playful one, to her proper name. I have an entire folder on my phone of her and her gorgeous sons, but the next step I think is to move it to an online cloud so it's not always there.

I'm pregnant now, and we supported each other when pregnant before. She's on my mind a lot and I've had maybe 3 or 4 dreams about her whilst pregnant and it always feels so sad. It really is like you lose a part of you, when so much love was once there. It's hard, but I guess it's just a fact of life.

My long term friend became totally irrational when she was going through the menopause due to not remembering what we’d agreed, accusing me of changing plans etc.
My daughter and I had a very awkward weekend with her which I couldn’t wait to end, I then broke off our friendship as there was no going back.