Plucking up the courage to end relationship

[KarinaBrandySauce123]

I've been with him 8 months. He's emotionally unavailable. Constantly blames me for having my feelings hurt by him. He doesn't take accountability, never apologises. Dismisses my feelings. Makes me feel like I'm in the wrong for having feelings and normal reactions to things. He let's me down. He lacks communication. It's been 8 months and I don't feel like I truly know him. He's worn me down emotionally. He lacks self worth. He stonewalls me. He lacks self awareness.he will never change. He's secretive. Inconsiderate. Disrespectful of my time. Mirrors me, puts pressure on me for this relationship to work its all on me, if I don't message good morning then I must be in a mood, but its OK for him to never message me good morning or good night. He's awkward around me. Silent treatment. Pressured into abortion. No chance of having kids with him in the future now either, he made a 'no going back' decision on that without any consideration for my feelings about it. Its always me reaching out to him after arguments or disagreements, he says he loves me, he says I'm his future, he says I'm his soulmate, he says I'm the only one for him, his actions don't match his soppy quotes, he never rings me he just texts.

There are so many reasons why I should leave this emotionally unavailable man. I cannot cope anymore yet I've invested so so much energy
, time, effort, forgiveness into this relationship. My confidence and self worth is non existent right now after the past year of being with him. I don't know if it's me like he says it is. He's not spoke to me for a couple of days. My counselor says I should break my pattern of reaching out to him all the time after an argument. I always message him first to try and resolve stuff. He's expecting that again but I'm so drained and fed up of it being one sided. She said to let him come to me. With him being emotionally unavailable I've got a feeling I won't ever hear from him again and if he does he will blame me for him disappointing me and my son the other day. He won't take accountability for his actions:( I'm not going to reach out this time and then I will know where i stand but I'm struggling. I know we can't be good for each other. I'm just so scared to end it.

I really don't know:( a part of me wants to believe that he does care about hurting my feelings, I want to see whether he is capable of acknowledging his wierd and hurtful behaviour and changing

He's not capable.
He's emotionally stunted and always will be.
And you are not on your own are you? You have your son!
Leave him, you know that's what you need to do for your own self worth x

Hi @KarinaBrandySauce123 how are you today. I am on the same boat as you (same feelings about loneliness too). You are not pathetic- we learn and unlearn through all of this.

You haven’t invested time and energy into this relationship, it is a new relationship. I don’t even understand why you need a thread on it, it is so obvious what you need to do.

It seems to me that the problem is your loneliness which is making you cling to this guy even though he hurts you. That must be very hard. End it with this guy and work on building up a social life independently of him. Are there any local interest groups you can join?

He does care about hurting your feelings. He enjoys it and he wants to keep on doing it.

He likes having you under his thumb and you not knowing which way to turn. He likes having the manipulative control over you and telling you it's your fault, that you are in the wrong, that your perception of it is wrong, that you are the crazy one and you need therapy.

He won't change. It is who he is.

Good grief, if he has had this much of a negative effect on you after 8 months, imagine how desperate you will feel after 8 years of it.

Dear OP, I spent 25 years with a guy like that. When I met him, I was twenty five years old, full of life energy, song and laughter. I was strong and was so sure of where I was going, confident, bold. I fell in love with him like no one else before and before I knew it, my life started to change. Gradually he quieted me down, slowed me down and before I knew it I was in invisible chains. He did not forbid me to move, I just did not know how. My mom noticed it right away, but I dismissed her. A good friend of mine was looking strangely at me when I suggested I was struggling to make decisions, he said, "what do you mean, you were always so sure of yourself." But I stayed, slowly drowning.

Like I said, it took me a long time to break free and while I am glad I did, it's never too late, I morn the life I could have had, adventures I will never be able to live, places I will never see, things I could have achieved. So, my advice for you and all the people out there who find themselves wonder what to do, RUN, run and do not look back. Do not spend any of your precious time wondering what to do. You get only one life and it is very, very short, you owe it to yourself to live the best life you can.

@movingon2022 thank you for this post. I have been in abusive relationships in the past and needed to hear this going forward from just ending it with another emotionally unavailable man. Thank you

@PatsyClinethree I am glad my post helped, I hope it will reach many more people. I did all I could during the time I was making my decision to leave and shortly after but posting here on MN and reading other people's posts was a tremendous help and support and I try as much as I can to give back now. Good luck and remember, YOU CAN DO IT.💕

You need to end this relationship now OP, or suddenly you'll be 15 years down the line and really unhappy x