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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Where do I even start with separating?

1 reply

SunnySideDownUp · 26/09/2022 12:44

I think my marriage is finally coming to an end.

I love my husband, we have fab kids and there are parts of our marriage and life that I love. But, he regularly lies to me. And not just about little things, but about big things. Just this week he's quit his job and not told me (he's done this a few times before), he's booked a foreign student to stay for a fortnight in October, despite me saying I cannot do this for my mental health. (We host two Ukrainians, and we live in a 3 bed house.)

We haven't had sex for years. We barely communicate. Partly because of circumstances (our youngest has special needs).

There is a lot of unhealthy recrimination and sulking (on both sides), but what I can't cope with is being made to feel guilty for something he's done wrong. He's been angry at me for 24 hours, since I got upset when finding out about the foreign student.

But I don't even know where to start. I took a career break to care for my youngest 2 years ago, and now earn peanuts. We have a big mortgage and bills, but I don't want to uproot the kids from their home.

I think child split would be 50:50, although I have no idea how we'd make that work with housing.

I just don't know where to start, but I do know I can't keep feeling like this.

OP posts:
RoseslnTheHospital · 26/09/2022 12:50

Maybe Citizens Advice could be a place to start planning? This is the page about separating/divorce - www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/how-to-separate1/deciding-what-to-do-when-you-separate/

Do you think your husband would be obstructive and unhelpful if you were to tell him that you want to separate and divorce?

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