please help me get over a toxic friendship

[wishesandkisses]

Long story short I've fallen out with my best friend. We fell out over something very silly initially but then she said some very hurtful things and used my mental health, partner and son.. things I've confided in her about, to try and win the argument. She also called me a bad person and said I had no friends and basically everyone hates me (genuinely don't think this is true)

I didn't do any of that. I stated why I was upset (basically that she spoke to me like shit infront of loads of people) and she didn't handle it well. For me that was it and I told her I didn't want to speak to her anymore.

that we haven't spoken to each other in weeks I see our 'friendship' from a new perspective. She always forced me to do things I didn't want to do by guilt tripping me. If I couldn't afford to do something she would ask me to break down my monthly costs to justify why I couldn't do it and everything was always on her terms. Over the last few months I started saying no more and putting boundaries in place.

Since we have fallen out she has gone out of her way to try and get to me either by speaking bad about me to others, putting things online and asking for a hair bobble back through someone I barely know (I know..). Shes also commented on old group chats saying nasty things about me 'forgetting im in them' then slagginf me off when I leave them. Its really annoying and petty.

But since we fell out i feel like something is missing. I can't put my finger on what it is and I am still hurting very badly from what she said. I know this friendship wasn't a genuine one now but I miss her. I miss having a female friend who I see alot and can do girl things with. That I've known for a long time and knows me well.

We also live in the same town and im terrified of bumping into her or people she knows who she's lied to about me. I always thought that if I cut ties and didn't feed into the drama I'd be a bigger person but im very unsure now.. I do have a lot of friends but most are work or male friends, I don't have a girl friend that I see almost daily like I did her.. Should I speak to her? should I just keep leaving it? should I kick off about the lies shes told about me? I really don't know. I'm still hurt and angry.

I know this is very teenage bullshit but we are both in our thirties.. I don't really know what to do..

It's a normal reaction to miss her. She was part of your routine. There's no point confronting her...it will go nowhere.

I would let the dust settle first. Then reassert boundaries if you want to keep the friendship. But tbh you are well rid!

Echo PP here.
Go low profile for a couple of weeks. In that time maybe make tentative plans to widen your circle of friends and support. Maybe think about joining certain groups ie Women’s Institute??

When feelings are not running so high you may want to contact her to start talking again and clear the air. I’d re establish boundaries regarding how you want the friendship to look at this stage.

i am not nasty but it does sound like a post from a 16year old, i am sorry.... she is not your friend never was never will be she made that loud and clear to you also i dont think its her that you actually miss but rather the idea of having her around.... i would not try and fix this relationship at all its not worth your time...leave her to go around and tell as many people as much shit about you as she can, people who judge you on hearsay is petty and you should feel sorry for them, focus on you and how you carry yourself focus on your child and partner dont hide indoors from people and dont go out more than you normally would, just go on with life i am sorry your ex friend is such a D00$....

You did the right thing cutting her off..she was horrible to you.

I am cut of a friend I known for years. I tell at first I missed her but then realized she changed and not right in her head. Lies, manipulate people believing I was turned against her. No you pushed me away didn't tell me anything we suppose to be friends. I had to find out from mutual friends. She been through a lot but she created it. I see it as she a lost cause your can't help something who don't feel they did anything wrong.

It will get easier you will gain better friends which I believe I have.

Let her slag you off she wants a reaction just don't react. Pretend she dead an doesn't exist. Grieve over what you thought was a friendship then let it go.

Thanks everyone I needed someone to tell me to leave it as I was beginning to crack.

@FuzzyBunny1994 you are so so right it is like teenage bullshit, it honestly feels that way. Its stemmed from a teenage friendship but, in my perspective at least, I've grown up alot as I would of probably done what she is doing 15 years ago but she hasn't seemed to have changed. I'm worried I'm coming across as a teenager as I'm trying very hard not to be 😂although I am posting on a forum..

thank you everyone xx

I'm so sorry x
Losing a close feel friend can be worse than a relationship breaking up!
Have you thought about joining your local Meetup group?
There will be lots of women you could make friends with, if you download the app you can see the social events and who is going x
Sending you love xxx

thank you @yougotthelook ❤ Im going to look on thats mums app so maybe both me and my son can make friends together 😊 I had my son relatively early and only a few of my friends have kids so thought it would be good to try and find people who we both like. Will defo look further afield too! thanks so much xx

I think when you have a child, it can often create barriers in your existing friendships. My best friend from school had her first son when we were 17 and although we tried, we just grew apart as I was focused on building my career and she of course was focused on raising her son.

Thankfully we didn't have a dramatic falling out but I can imagine how painful it feels for you. Your ex friend sounds very immature and demanding and not a real friend at all. I'm sure you will make better friends who are interested in a friendship of equals and not you being a doormat!

You're so welcome x You seem lovely I dont think you'll have any problem making new friends x❤️

A phrase for you, OP: Silence is dignity. Say it to yourself whenever you feel the urge to utter any words at all to or about her. Even if you see her in the street, a nod if she speaks to you, and walk on. No words.