DC 1s 5th bday and nada, no card, no gift, no phone call, no visit (15 mins away), no text no nothing. Dc was quite upset. MIL and my parents visited.
it’s a very complex back story but it’s my DH F. He left MIL and DH as a child and moved in with OW and had a few kids with her. When DH turned 18, divorced MIL for half the house. Classic family 1 and family 2 scenario, whereby first children get forgotten about. Having observed fil he’s a bully and a classic narcissist. Never takes responsibility and does a lot of gaslighting.
relationship between DH and his F have been tense with a lot of unspoken resentment from DH. They’ve sort of bumbled through out of almost obligation if that makes sense. All sort of milestones have been either missed or ignored DH 30th, kids birth (although was acknowledged weeks later) kids birthdays. Dh has visited his father here and there, brought kids every other month or so, never reciprocated. DH grew tired and basically just gave up, and move to a don’t ask don’t tell sort of arrangment.
Long story less long, OW and fIL fell out with dh for not visiting enough, culminated in a bit of a row and air clearing when dh said you’ve not made and effort and ignored all my kids birthdays for years now, it’s hurt them and us, it works both ways. There seemed to be some sort of acknowledgment of past ‘wrongs’ and a resolve to make a change moving forward.
enter us making a big effort, dh calling to check in (one way) visiting, planning a surprise bday with gifts. Fast forward to few weeks before dc1 bday, invite them to day out we were planning (didn’t want to come, made excuses, fine that’s ok), small bday party at home (same story had excuses, fine ok) promised to come on her bday. Bday comes (2 weeks ago now), they don’t show, calls ignored, text ignored. No contact, no card, no present, no call. Dc was quite upset (got over it as littles do) but was asking where they were and thought they weren’t happy with him that’s why they didn’t come. Calls from DH have been ignored. Both are active on social media so are alive and well and there’s been no falling out. No contact until, FIL calls DH and asks him if he’ll drive him around for the day as his car is having a service. Dh asks why no visit, no call, no response to texts, was unwell and didn’t feel like an effort was made to include him so didn’t bother.
i can’t lie I’m upset, a big deal was made by them about us not making an effort and then we said fine, one more shot and this happens and for the 5th year in a row. Enough is enough right? I’m happy to be told I’m wrong or too sensitive or have too high standards.