Losing it

[Mumgoingcrazy43]

Hi,I haven't posted anything since I had my DC over 10 years ago. I've been coming on lately reading posts and it really helps when I'm feeling confused.
I have had problems in my relationship for a long time and finally started to see a counsellor. Today I feel really bad and need to vent. I looked at my husbands phone last night,I knew I would regret it but did it anyway. A couple of years ago he went on holiday himself and when he returned I was suspicious. Looked at his messages and him and a friend were discussing other women so I looked at his searches on his phone and found he had been researching escorts. Confronted him,he was angry,said I couldn't be trusted blah blah. In the end he apologised and said he only thought about it but wouldn't have done it. Anyway,last night I looked again at phone and found escort searches from earlier this year when we were going through a rough patch. I feel sick and like I don't want to live anymore. Feeling shitty and just need someone to talk to.

You shouldn't be looking at his phone.

But clearly you can't trust him. I'd consider separation tbh, think escorts would be a dealbreaker for me.

Yes I know I shouldn't have looked. Would be nicer to be living in blissful ignorance.

Love the way he turned it round and said you couldn’t be trusted when it’s HIM that can’t be. Regardless of the rights and wrongs of looking at his phone he’s behaving incredibly badly.
Don’t blame yourself and don’t feel like giving up. He’s the one with the problem not you. Consider relationship counselling or else have that difficult conversation between the two of you as to why he’s willing to risk his marriage.

I had a gut feeling in a relationship and looked at my boyfriends phone and I was correct

I will never ever regret looking at that phone ever as painful as it was I found out the truth. Something made you feel the need to look through his phone and you found it

what would you like to do? Do you still love him?. What is going to be best for your mental health?

You shouldn't be looking at his phone

Ah yes the holy grail of everything right in a relationship.

What should he not be looking at, other women's vaginas ?

Seems fair to me.

I totally agree with you

I think I do unless I’ve read your post wrong??

Well if you don't agree with me I'm going to get really angry and get a block put on my posts so you cant read them

However I will still be prepared to have sex with you

😉

Got you 😂

I don't know what to do anymore. We've been having problems for such a long time. I wouldn't be as bothered if he was just being curious and having a look but it was also texts between him and his friend..talking about going to Amsterdam, taking drugs and getting some 'hookers', all a big joke,laughing about it together. The same friend text him again recently (I looked back at texts from 2 yesrs ago) and asked if he was getting a prostitute while on a work trip..this time my husband answered "no,I'm a good boy these days,just smoking some weed and looking"
I feel it's so disrespectful towards me.
It makes me hate him but at the same time I still have feelings for him and wish everything would just be ok. My mental health will suffer,it did the last time. I ended up on antidepressants and only recently I've realised I felt so bad at that time due to seeing the texts about escorts. I was blaming my depression/anxiety on other things but thinkiback,it must have had an impact.

It’s horrendous behaviour on your husbands part. I know this is awful but it’s time to be realistic. This absolute bullshit is not what you should be putting up with. what does he mean “I’m a good boy now” would that suggest he’s had an escort before? I’m so so sorry that this is happening. I would literally just say I’m pleased I looked at your phone and saw the messages, and I’m not prepared to accept this. you have to put their behaviour before how you feel about them if that makes sense when deciding how to move forward

I understand the part about hating but still having feelings for them, it’s incredibly painful

@Junepa thank you. Yes,saying that he is good now makes me think he definitely hasn't been so good in the past few years. When I first met him, he told me about having used a prostitute when he was very young and that his friend had also used one on his recent stag do. I told him at the time that I would be fuming if I had been the bride. I remember telling him I did not agree with men using escorts/prostitutes while in a relationship and that if I ever found out he had done it,I would end things. Just don't feel that confident these days. I am seeing my counsellor this week so will tell her all about this too. So glad I can come on here and talk..it really helps!