How do I get DP to buck his ideas up?

[PigglePuggle]

I’m currently 28 weeks pregnant and have PGP. I woke up feeling like death yesterday and tested positive for Covid so called in sick for work. I spent most of the day napping on the sofa as I felt so dreadful.

DP got home from work and asked if I’d done any washing, I hadn’t so he asked me to ‘help’ him put some on. Despite me showing him how to use the washing machine numerous time he claims it’s too complicated because it’s done via an app, yet he manages to use apps for everything else.

I went up to bed early as I felt so rotten and ddog followed. DP stayed downstairs watching football. He came up to bed a short while later, got into bed and fell asleep. This meant I had to get out of bed to take ddog downstairs and put him in his crate. Got downstairs and DP had left all the lights on.

This morning I got up to let ddog out and realised he’d also left the washing machine on and the back door unlocked.

Leaving the lights and washing machine on wouldn’t normally bother me if it wasn’t for the fact that he’s so anal about me ‘wasting’ electricity e.g. having a moan if I put a lamp on at dusk!

These things all seem so insignificant and petty so I don’t know whether I am just being a bit unreasonable and irritable where I’m unwell but I’m just stressing about what it’s going to be like when baby arrives, I just wish he would step up a bit more and support me when I need it. I don’t know how to get him to do this without moaning/nagging, any ideas?

God, Mumsnet is so harsh on men.

I love it!

Stop babying him now. You will have your hands full with an actual baby soon enough.

I think he's not just lazy, he's trying to teach you a lesson about your rightful place.

You are in an advanced stage of pregnancy and have covid. But his first thought when returning home is not your wellbeing, it is to tell you off for not having done his washing. Then to make a song and dance about doing it himself which involves you having to go and explain how to use the machine. Then leaving it on. The lesson is you should just do these things yourself because if you expect him to he will do it so badly and with such bad grace it isn't worth the aggro.

Likewise locking up, lights off and putting the dog to bed. The fact you had already gone to bed ill is neither here or there. It's a woman job so if you want it done, you should get up and do it yourself.

You need to either dump him or firmly tackle it now. He won't change otherwise. Why would he? I'm sure it suits him to have his own personal skivvy. My dad is like this - the locking up/ lights off/pets to bed/TV off is something he NEVER does. He can't even be bothered to get off his arse and close the curtains. He was even like this when my mum was ill with cancer and suffering the effects of chemotherapy despite him having retired age 55 to live a life of leisure. He still expected her to run around serving him. Have a think about whether you want that to be your life.

It’s better than my local fb page whose standard response to anyone complaining about their shit husband is ‘hugs Mama’ and ‘you got this’. Anything else is considered not supportive. 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP mine is the same. Before our first DC was born (and several times since) we had to have a chat about how he would have to step up, but sadly over 5 years later he is exactly the same. It irritates me more and more each day. Lights left on, mugs left in the living room/bedroom/bathroom, towels on the bed, doors unlocked, misplacing any number of things and expecting that I know where they are. Asking me if he has any uniform for work when he's not even put it in the wash basket. Last night he 'couldn't find' DC2s monitor so just went to bed without it (I was already in bed). It was right next to the kettle which he had used to make a brew last night. I'm absolutely sick of it and like you dreading a life like this. I already have 2 DC to look after, I don't need to look after him as well but for some reason I do. I'm a SAHM but am seriously planning for when I do go back to work and become more financially able to leave.

He won't change, it's the way he is. Mine has always been (and still is) babied by his mother, who no doubt thinks I'm terrible for not being at his beck and call. I'd leave while you have the chance, before your baby knows any different.

How's it 'harsh' to expect other adults to function on a bare minimum basis? 😄 Standards in the gutter.