Just a phase?

[womaninblack1]

Long term lurker but name change so not linked.

Has anyone else gone through what feels like a "roommate" phase in their marriage and if so how long did it last and how did you fix it?

Been with DH for 13 years and despite the lack of passion have a lot of love for each other and are the best of friends, plenty of hugs and making time for each other however I can't remember the last time I felt him have any passion towards me. My heart aches for him to just want to kiss me never mind DTD.

Despite having young DC I'm always making an effort nice underwear, date nights and making moves but there's always an excuse. I know he loves me deeply but I yearn for the passion. He's a great DH and DF so I wouldn't through everything away but I feel so lonely at times and undesired.

Tonight I got a babysitter and we went out for a lovely meal got dressed up etc and came home a bit deflated as he wanted to go to bed as he's tired. I love him dearly but currently lying in bed quietly crying as I'm desperate to feel that spark from him again.

Thanks in advance for any advice given.

Have you asked him why? Does he directly turn down your advances or is it more that you assume he's not interested in dtd because he says he's tired?

It could be stress, tiredness or any other reason that's making intimacy happen less. I think a lot of long term relationships go through a room mate type phase, but if it matters to you you'll need to ask him/say you want more intimacy

Have you talked to him about this directly?

Yes we have had a few conversations and he says he is tired from work but still loves me etc and apologised for not being in the mood often. I know I can't force him to be and we just have different sex drives right now but it doesn't help it hurt any less.

Tonight for example when he seen my underwear I had on he said "I'm sorry Honey not tonight".

Is there anything going on with him outside of your relationship live work or a life event? I went through a phase with my wife where I was traveling with work the whole time and I was exhausted. I just didn't have a sex drive at all, but I rebalanced work and home life and it got right back on track.

I know he is tired from work and the job he does is physically as well as mentally draining at times

No, it never came back. Now we’re in separate rooms and live as house mates.

How disheartening for you. Rejection is such a crap and painful feeling.

While I appreciate he is tired, he needs to work with you to explore ways to get that spark back.
Sex and intimacy are not the same thing. Maybe you need to start with the intimacy aspect and remove the pressure of sex.
Do you laugh together or do activities where you're spending time bonding without the expectation of an end result?

How much insight do you have into his struggles and how much does he have into yours? Intimacy starts with conversation and connection, do you feel connected?

In terms of loving intimacy we have lots of that from kisses (pecks) to cuddles in bed and we talk deeply with one another very regularly. It's the raw passion I feel is missing right now. I do not doubt his love for me but I'm starting to feel he is no longer attractive to me.