Forever alone

[Cryingoutloudn]

Hello I would like a hand hold and gentle words please. I’m 38 and time is running out. Online dating is terrible, but I try, I really do. Friends and family don’t have anyone for me. What the F am I meant to do? I am panicking.

Time is running out to have children or to meet someone?

If you read some of the threads on here you'll be told that single women are the happiest people, so relax.

Seriously, relax and try to enjoy your life. Stressing out isn't going to help and if you take time to enjoy your own hobbies and past times you may meet someone who you can share your life with who will also share your interests.

You need to go places where you are likely to meet some interesting, likeminded people. Join a club of some sort?

What are you looking for ? Partner, kids, or both ?

For kids your time is running out so you have to chose to either hope you meet the right person in time and still have the fertility to have a family...very risky

Or go it alone....look at your future either way really carefully, but if you really want kids don't wait for what may never come.

I met my partner when I was 44, I wasn’t interested in having children though which made life a lot easier.

I didn't meet anyone until I was 45. I wasn't bothered. I used on line dating and had two very different relationships- not at the same time🤣. I'm 52. When I can cope with the suicide of my previous partner , I will try OLD again. When people, usually those who are in a relationship,say 'you will meet someone when you least expect it' it annoyed me. You have to make the opportunities I believe.
Focus on enjoying life with friends, take what someone says on OLD with a pinch of salt and I would say organise a face to face if u are potentially interested sooner than later. Good luck.

Sending you my heartfelt sympathy and virtual hugs!

I am in the same position, early 40s in major metropolitan area. I have tried every possible club, class, interest group and sport in addition to online dating over the past few years. I also have a number of female friends, successful and attractive, who are in the same position, so I well know it is a much wider phenomenon.

I can recommend therapy which has been hugely beneficial for my mental health.

I have recently taken up some new sports such as golf, archery and cycling as I love being active so perhaps it is something to explore if you enjoy sport.

Thank you occhiazzurri what kind of therapy helped you? If you don’t mind sending me the name of your therapist via private message, that would be great.

You don't want to hear this but you can't force something to happen. Maybe kids aren't in your future if that's what you are hoping for.

Anytime there's threads here about people regretting their partner or having kids there's always women who say they were desperate to marry or settle down and overlooked red flags and now regret it. Don't be one of them.

drumsandstars I agree not helpful
I haven’t forced it
and I won’t
I could have settled with numerous awful exs
doesnt mean I can’t hope or plan for a future with children

I really would try and enjoy your life as much as you can every day, week and season. Give yourself your perfect autumn, do all the things you enjoy or ever wanted to try. Make a list. You're answerable to no one yet have friends and family who love you...this time is precious.

Your definition of happiness is narrow and, possibly, not even true. Remember and remind yourself through action all the good things there are in life...whatever you decide to do to work towards a partner and children

Do you have a lifestyle where you meet people? New people, regularly? If not, do you know how to get that kind of lifestyle?

You need to work out what it is that you want: a partner, or a child? As both may not come in a package altogether.

If you're open to going it alone, you don't need a partner for that and can look into and start the process when you're ready.

You need to decide what's more of a priority for you.

@occhiazzurri - very interesting observation and thank you for sharing. Do you think these activities and attempts all fail to establish a deeper connection or this phenomenon is simply out of our control.

I think it is both - very few people in the 35-45 age range are single so this is definitely out of our control; it is next to impossible to meet single males at any form of social events or classes or even networking events other than sports or gym in my experience, and even when you meet them, it seems impossible to form any form of connection as a result of such meeting almost by chance. Outside of online dating people seem very suspicious of anyone who might be interested in getting to know them (I think it probably applies to both men and women). So it seems you have to be very lucky to meet someone through friends, family or work/work related events/networking.

very few people in the 35-45 age range are single

and

I also have a number of female friends, successful and attractive, who are in the same position

So, all your numerous single friends tell you that there are no other single people except them, and you believe them?

I think there are quite a few singles, probably growing. We have several single friends and talking to one of DD's uni friends he's single znd no intention of dating, plsnkng his next holiday with his mates. I suspect that a lot of the long term singles aren't that bothered about dating and are settled into their lives.

@Cryingoutloudn I dont want to sound mean but did you spend your 20s sleeping around and chasing a career? Were you ever in a commited long term relationship?

Most people around your age are taken so that narrows your dating pool and considering your an older woman many sucessful men your age will want a family and will want a younger woman

Wtf user?
Dickish post and not remotely relevant.