Who can I talk to, to get answers?

[piscespickle]

I have recently ended my 15 year marriage. All of my friends, almost every single one, has now come out to say that my husband was abusive, controlling, coercive, gaslighting, etc. Two of my closest friends work in NHS/SS and have worked directly with abusive people. Each of my friends can recall specific incidents which I can't deny. Some I have hazy memories of which my friend says I have blocked out due to trauma. I am not denying any of this. But at the same time I feel confused because he looked after me, was generous, and is devastated that we have split up.

I feel like I should talk to someone who doesn't know us to make sense of this? Who would be able to do this for me? Does anyone have any advice?

Definitely research therapists in your area to help you unpick this.

So what motivated to you end the relationship?

What kind of therapist should I be looking for, do you think?

I suppose all the above - I got sick of it - but then doubted myself (which my friend says I've been conditioned to do...!)

Had similar sort of relationship and found seeing Relate counsellor really helped me understand what happened, how, why and more importantly how to avoid that sort of relationship in future. All sessions were on my own and after we’d split up. It was really helpful. Good luck…