It's my birthday and my marriage has ended...

[birthdayflop]

It's been on the cards for a while- his laziness, short-temper, MH problems, gaslighting, violence but I kept thinking something will happen and he'd change. Unfortunately, things got worse and I found I joined him in his toxicity and would answer back which angered him even more. Today he's announced he's leaving. It's my birthday and I wasn't expecting anything but I'm left feeling really sorry for myself. I feel like there's no point doing anything or carrying on because my life is going to be miserable anyway.

Hiya. When I got divorced I was a similar age to you with similar aged kids. Due to a very manipulative ex, I lost everything including my house and had to start from scratch. I felt at my lowest and considered ending it all as I didn't think I could start over and who would want me?

I went to bed wishing to die but woke with the sun streaming down onto me and the sound of children's laughter. It made me realise that I was at my lowest and it couldn't get any worse but it could and already was better.

As i say I met other people and fell in love again (the best bit of a relationship) and got married to someone who made me think "why the hell did I ever marry someone like my ex?". I've honestly had the best days of my life since walking up to the start of the rest of my life.

It will be hard at first, but one for in front of the other and focus on the here and now, not the mights and maybes of the future. If he turns out to be volatile with the kids then cafcass will deal with that, but until then focus on now.

I was where you are 20 years ago. I'm so glad it happened to me now. I'm much happier than I ever was. Sure it was hell and I lost 1/2 million pounds, but I'm happier and I never ever think of my ex and haven't spoken to them in over a decade. The kids are grown up and adults and my new kids are just in the teens, so my happiness may be short lived 🙂

It seems unfair and unbearable but you will do it and you will be happier in the end because of it. You deserve better than the husband you had and so do you kids.