How do I leave?

[HowDoIGo]

I have been in a relationship the past seven years and we have two young children together. In my heart and head I know the relationship is over but I really don’t know how to leave. I feel ridiculous even asking but I’ve never been in a relationship that’s ended, anything pre DP just fell away casually.

DP has at many times been a classic ‘LTB’ type, but I always accepted his apologies and promise to change. Probably more because it was easier when he wasn’t going anywhere. Other times he has been a decent partner. Definitely ups and downs.

At one point we argued a lot, now we hardly ever argue at all. Most of the things we argued about (him not pulling his weight, being a lazy dad etc) I’ve given up on even bring up. It’s pointless. We hardly spend any time together and when we do I don’t like it. He’s blatantly not interested in a word I have to say and takes almost everything as a personal attack. He contributes as good as nothing to conversation with me.
I do 90% of cooking and housework. And I’d say I do 100% of bettering out life. By that I mean planning days out, holidays etc. If it was down to him it would just be work, home for a takeaway and bed!
Recently I’ve really came to realise I want much more from life than this. I’m approaching 30 and cannot live the rest of my life like this.
But.. I really don’t know how to end it. I really don’t think he’d expect it (bizarre to me) and I know he wouldn’t accept it. The biggest problem is it absolutely kills him to imagine me with someone else, so I know it won’t ever be amicable split. He will make life difficult as possible. I wish I could just have a sit down conversation and establish it’s the best for us both but that won’t happen. So what do I do?

I feel like I’m rambling so I’ll stop now but I’m hoping someone with more wisdom and life experience will come along and offer me some advice :(

I wish I could just have a sit down conversation and establish it’s the best for us both

This is how you're making it impossible for yourself. This isn't a decision you make together as a couple. This is a decision you make individually, for yourself. You essentially are going to start seeing yourself as a single person, and then tell him that that's the case, rather than seeing yourself as half of a couple and making decisions together on how to separate.

Obviously, practically, there are decisions to be made, but none of it is to do with him realising that emotionally, splitting up is best for him. His emotional life is for him to deal with, and it's no more your business than the emotional life of the man next door. Once you tell him that the relationship that the relationship is over, discussions about the emotional side of things become as inappropriate as the man next door trying to discuss his emotional difficulties with you: you just don't go there. If he tries, you back away, and think 'Woah, mate, discuss this with someone else.'

The end of a bad relationship raises all sorts of emotions. Hurt, anger and pain but also fear. It would be reasonable for both of you to be worried about how you will coparent, how you will split up assets and money and where you live.

It’s not going to be an easy conversation to tell him it is over. My advice is to keep it to that point. Avoid blame and recriminations, just say “I” am not happy and I want to end it. Side step discussions about housing and money. That will be confrontational and highly charged. Leave it for another time when the split has sunk in.

However you are both going to face challenging conversations and reality about money and parenting. Try not to make that harder than it needs to be. Even when something is outrageous agree to discuss how it will work as an option.